Wednesday, 6 February 2008

Taxi Jokes

I'd like to compile a list of Taxi related jokes and then link to it in the sidebar.
If you know/hear or see any, please add it through the link below.
Here's the high standard we're aiming for;

While out cruising, the Taxi Driver misjudged a curve and drove his cab into the wall dividing the houses of a Mr. and Mrs. Smith and a Mr. and Mrs. Ball.
Thankfully, he was pulled out by the Smiths.

Added by JEAN(Diamond Cabs) on 6th Feb;

A Taxi driver and a Priest die and knock on heaven's door.
St-Peter shows the Taxi driver his new home, a lavish Castle fully equipped with butlers and servants. When the priests turn comes, he is shown a meager Hut with no electricity or water. The priest complains to St-Peter: "How is it the Taxi driver gets a Castle and I only got this small Hut? I 've been working for Jesus all my life, not him.". St-Peter responded: "Yes you were working for Jesus, but during your Sunday sermons everybody slept. When the Taxi driver rode with clients, they prayed."

This one is with thanks to Dane, a classic;

A guy in a taxi wanted to speak to the driver so he leaned forward and tapped him on the shoulder.

The driver screamed, jumped up in the air and yanked the wheel over. The car mounted the curb, demolished a lamppost and came to a stop inches from a shop window.

The startled passenger said "I didn't mean to frighten you, just wanted to ask you something."

Taxi driver says "Not your fault Sir. It's my first day as a cab driver, I've been driving a hearse for the past 25 years".

Not for the more conservative readers, this one is from Driver;

One dismal rainy night in London, a Taxi driver spotted an arm waving
from the shadows of an alley . Even before he rolled to a stop, a figure leaped into the cab slamming the door.
Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a naked woman sitting in the back seat.
"Where to?" he stammered.
"Kings Cross," answered the woman.
"You got it," he said, taking another long glance in the mirror.
The woman caught him staring at her and asked, "Just what are you
looking at?"
"Well madam," he answered, "I was just wondering how you'll pay your
The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled
at the driver, and said, "Does this answer your question?"
Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, "Have you got anything

Thanks to Lost Marbles for this one;

A taxi driver calls to a house and is sitting outside waiting.
When no one comes, he decides to knock on the door
The door is opened by a twelve year old boy with a big cuban cigar in one hand and a glass of brandy in the other, He also notices a half naked blond down the hall "excuse me son" said the driver, "is your mum or dad at home ".


Another from Dane, discretion required and I'm not sure what's being insinuated?

One woman stops a taxi.
- To the airport, please.
After ten minutes the taxi driver, watching the woman in the mirror, says:
- You are third pregnant woman that I have driven to the airport today.
- Are you kidding me, I am not pregnant.
- Well, you haven't arrived to the airport yet either.

I found this, if you find picture jokes .......just add the link;

Another from Driver, our NYC cabbie won't like this one

An Englishwoman and her young son were traveling in a taxi in New York. As they were driving through a rather seedy looking part of town, the boy became fascinated by the garishly made up women in short skirts and high heels who seemed to be accosting some of the men passing by.

"Mummy" the boy asked, "what are those ladies doing?"

The mother, clearly embarrassed by the question, replied: "I expect they're lost and are asking people for directions"

The taxi driver overhead this and interrupted: "why not tell me boy the truth, those women are prostitutes."

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