Friday, 29 June 2007


Are you busy tonight?
No it's been awful! In fact the whole week has been a disaster, I'm barely able to put food on the table! Please tip generously.

Anyone ever run off without paying?
Yes! In fact I've had nearly twenty so far this week! I'm having a hard time putting food on the table, please tip generously.

Ever get any Pukers or pissers in the car?
Yep! I had a girl tonight puked right were you are sitting! Thankfully it wasn't too liquid, so I just scraped it off and sprayed some aftershave on it.
Last night I had a pisser! same place, right were you are sitting, couldn't pay the soiling charge and I had to take the night off to let it dry out, meaning I'm finding it hard to put food on the table, please tip generously.

Can I smoke?

Can I eat?

Can I Drink?

Can I turn the music up?

Can I .......................

Wednesday, 27 June 2007

Poor old lady?...or a chancer?

She looked OK, standing on the kerb outside the Camden Court hotel waving me down, an elderly lady.... a safe fare, so I had no problem stopping to let her in. "Ranelagh" she said in an upperclass accent ......not very far........ I'd expect around €7 for the trip, "very good!" I said, turning around to greet her.
It was then I noticed she was wearing a swimming hat! One with rubber flowers attached, the type popular back in the 60's, she smelled of talc.... A fragrance I now associate with prostitutes, (a few times I have ferried them to and from their place of employment , but that's a tale for another day!) her clothes were old, I classed her as an eccentric, she asked if people ever left the car without paying and I replied "ah yes runners! I've had one or two, but I didn't get this belly chasing them..... and what's the point? They're hardly going to have the money if I catch them" this is a well rehearsed reply to that question, which normally gets a bit of a laugh.
This ladies response was unexpected; she said, "well.. I'm not paying you either" I'll admit to being surprised by this and thought at first she was joking, quickly realising she wasn't, I got a little angry, then I just resolved to get her home, thinking it wasn't really that big a deal!
As she left she smiled, thanked me for a pleasant journey! I snarled at her!
Later that week I was in Donnybrook, in the Shell service station about to pay for my Diesel when I spotted her again , same attire, she took a bottle of orange juice from the fridge, opened it took a sip, then placed in the bag she was carrying and walked out, I turned to the cashier and asked had he seen that? he replied "ah... that's mad Mary, sure what's the point!"
Well I know I won't be stopping for her again!

Tuesday, 26 June 2007

They left their halos in Eddies toilet.

Click to enlarge

This is every Dublin kids favourite restaurant, it makes no excuses for trying to replicate the American Diner of the 50's, right down to the smirky waitresses and the juke box on every table.
A month or so ago I picked up two girls, both in school uniform from the Herbert park road, as soon as they got in the car I realised they'd been drinking, they were more giddy than anything else, a type of forced drunkenness you get with younger folk, they wanted to go to Eddie Rockets which wasn't too far away, so I happily obliged, a longer trip with all the wailing would have been difficult to take!

On the way it began to rain and the girls asked if I'd mind waiting on them while they were in Eds..... I explained it would be expensive to have a cab wait while they ate, but they intervened saying they just wanted to use the toilets and that they'd be out quickly, I caved and waited, eventually they appeared, and what a transformation! gone were the uniforms, replaced by the shortest of mini skirts you can imagine and boob tubes to match!
I knew instantly they were going to the Wes, a teenage disco in Old Wesley Rugby club, as this was the standard attire of the girls attending, the school bags.... now containing their School uniforms, would be buried in a hedge within the Rugby grounds and the re-transformation would happen back in eddies after the disco.
I've no idea what their parents think they were doing!

Sunday, 24 June 2007


I had planned to contrast the two groups that were out in the city tonight , we had the start of the Dublin pride week celebrations, with the lads dressed up in top designer outfits behaving impeccably , compared to the pre gaelic football match crowd......... all macho in their county colours, looking for lapdancing clubs and prostitutes.
However I came across an Horrific accident at the extremely busy Newlands cross junction, in the Clondalkin area of Dublin, it was caused mainly by faulty traffic lights; they were set green for one group only and after waiting for a filter allowing him to turn right, a small hatchback car, frustrated by the obviously broken lights, drove headlong into a saloon car traveling at speed towards it.
The car folded so much that it looked almost as though it was flat against the drivers window. As there were six or seven other cars that had witnessed and gone to the aid of the crash victims, I decided to continue with my passengers to their destination.
Upon my return the ambulance and fire services were working at the scene, A medic was sitting in the rear seat of the hatchback seemingly talking to the driver? I told a policeman on duty I had seen the accident earlier, but he confirmed they had a good handle on what had occurred.
I hope and pray that everyone survived with minimal injuries.

Saturday, 23 June 2007

Behind every great man............

I'm next on the St Stephens Green rank, I spot this guy crossing the road, coming from the exclusive St Stephens Green mens club, dressed in a Tuxedo...... a little shaky from the drink, my fears were realised as he sat in beside me, he spoke as though he was shouting instructions from the sidelines at a Rugby match!
HELLO! MY MAN!! take me home to the CROCODILE!
Where is that? I asked
HOME! HOME to the CROCODILE! Brighton road in FOXROCK!
Brighton road is where Celtic kittens (the young millionaires) dream of going to die. Houses here have Mansion proportions are generally 4 storey over basement with indoor and outdoor heated pools, cinema, tennis courts , you know the deal, rarely change hands, the last one I know of sold for €56 million.
I was looking at a lion of the business world here, belonging to the "CLUB" suggested as such(members need to be proposed, seconded and voted in) his address propelled him into the highest echelons of this society.
So imagine my surprise when upon realising it was 10:30pm he regressed into a snivelling child saying he was in terrible trouble as he'd told his wife(the crocodile) he'd be home at 10pm.
I asked was he supposed to be relieving her so she could do something? he said No that he'd been allowed go to the Club on condition he was home by 10pm.
we spent the rest of the trip discussing excuses as to why he was late home , the obvious and true reason that he 'd lost track of the time, was deemed unacceptable early on. He decided on the first taxi breaking down and awaiting a second that the first had called. I doubt he'll be let out again for a while!
Moral of the story? behind every great man there's a great woman , behind every Lion there's a Lioness, or maybe a crocodile!

Friday, 22 June 2007

How to get a Taxi in Dublin, between 2 and 5am on Saturdays and Sundays.

People queuing at the College green rank

Click to enlarge

The Ranks;

Stay well clear........ think about it!
Taxi drivers don't know what they are going to get when they pull up on a busy rank, wheras on the street we can see that someone is holding himself up and behaving in a sane manner. Ranks are designed for Taxis to queue for customers not vice versa.

Outside the Pub/Club
Come on!............ get serious
Generally at this time there are large groups of people gathered outside these venues, if a Taxi stops for an individual that flags it here, a fight can ensue as to who the Taxi is for, with doors being manhandled and blood on the seats.

Sitting on the kerb or leaning against a lampost,waving; guessed it.
If you can't hold yourself up, you need time to sober up....... maybe you're tired? Well I don't know that!

Outside the Takeaway with or without food;
Not a hope mate
Worst case; onions, ketchup, bits of bread ....all over the upholstery. Best case; greasy hands wiped on the upholstery and the smell of taco fries being breathed all over the cab, no thanks!

Walking towards city centre (that's where all the Ranks are!)
Nice try nearly there.
The closer you are to town the less likely you are to get a Taxi, that's where the work is so you'll be competing with more and more people the closer you get to town.

Walking away from the city centre heading northside, on the pavement, a couple, seemingly sane;
Yeah ok, I'll pick you up if i'm desperate.

Walking away from the city centre heading Southside, on the pavement, a couple, seemingly sane;
Perfect in you get. (Southside suburbs have more work for the return journey!)

View Irish Taxi HOMEPAGE

Thursday, 21 June 2007

Landsdowne Road stadium, and the Northside/Southside devide

Landsdowne Rd. Cranes in situ and the roof of the West stand removed.

click to enlarge

The oldest Rugby stadium in the world is finally being re-built into a fully seated, 60,000 seater corporate boxed one fit for the modern professional game.
Both the International Rugby and the Football games have been transfered over to Croke Pk on the dreaded Northside of the city, now I often need to go over there to drop people off at their homes (I sometimes can't tell they are northsiders from how they look) and the Airport resides over there, but being a good Southsider I would never venture over there looking for fares!
Thankfully the government have given us the M50 motorway, that allows a speedy escape from the airport to the leafier Southern suburbs and a Tunnel to bring us into the City centre.
Hopefully I won't have to wait too long before the Rugby is back in it's rightful home. ;-)

I'm sure a Norhtsider will eventually come on here with a suitable response. :-)

Wednesday, 20 June 2007

The most complicated Taxi rank in the world?

The rank on College green, Dublin, must rate highly in this regard!

This Sat picture must have been taken at 7 am on Sunday morning!!

Step 1;
Enter the holding area at Fosters place and await for a cab to flash it's headlights at you, thereby "giving you last" This will be the car you follow from the holding area.

Step 2;
You must look out for the next cab entering the holding area and flash your headlamps at it, thereby giving that cab "last". Your job now is to keep a beady eye on the cab that gave you last. (this is not always easy, as the cab may not necessarily be visible from where you end up parking, so stepping out of your cab to check from time to time may be necessary until you find a more appropriate vantage space)

Step 3;
If the cab that gave you last gets a fare from his radio , before it leaves the driver must seek you out and inform you from whom he got last, this will now be the cab you follow from the holding area, if however he leaves in turn you then become "next"

Step 4;
Being next, you must turn your attention to actual rank on College Green, (when you see a space free) it's located on the island in the middle of a normally busy six lane roadway, which means you must navigate across 3 busy lanes of traffic to enter it.

Step 5;
After eventually making it on to the rank alive, you must queue in line for a fare.

Step 6;
After getting a fare you now leave the rank onto the inside and fastest moving lane of traffic, many a side panel have been creamed at this point!

Beat that!

Tuesday, 19 June 2007

Contagious Diseases

Another hazard of the Taxi business is our exposure to coughs, colds, flu and every other contagious illness known (and unknown) to man.
I hate when some new bug comes to town , I just count down the days to when I get it.
I think after 12 years in the business I've become immune to most of the day to day bugs spewed about the cab, but now and again a new one creeps up and bites me....... the worst so far being the winter vomiting bug; As the name suggests you lose quite a bit of weight over a 48 hour period, originates in hospitals of all places.
My biggest fear is the next super flu bug, H5N1 or whatever they will call the next one, I fail to understand why Taxi drivers are not on the emergency vaccine register, we're obviously expendable.

Inspired by DC cab riders Contagious post

Dodging Pedestrians, remember...... their mothers love them

Video; Pedestrian dodging for beginners;

This Video taken at 5am on Monday morning, 18/6/2007, with the sun beginning to shine on the leftovers from the previous nights party, will only give a slight idea of how Dubliners take to the street after the pubs and clubs close, try and imagine ten times the numbers and a little more drunk and that'll give you an idea.
Always remember their mothers love them and would get very upset if you damage them.

Monday, 18 June 2007

Other options for getting about......... Pt 1

Rickshaw (at rest) outside Porta Via in Rathminesclick to enlarge

Shortly after midnight each evening the buses trains and trams stop running in Dublin, leaving all the people they brought into the pubs and clubs in the city to the Taxi trade .
Why people then blame a poor Taxi service on why they wait hours to get home, rather than those services that have stopped all together....... is beyond me!
Anyway, we do have a few helpers in our hours of need and I will detail one of them here;
The Rickshaw pullers;
Mostly Gaelic and Rugby players supplementing their training regime whilst earning a few Euros, these guys (and the odd girl) will pull you on a roller coaster ride over short distances, they can turn on a cent and will raise and lower their arms in an effort to increase the G-forces, they look harmless enough but by the howls of the girls sitting in them they aren't as gentle as they seem!
Be careful to negotiate the price clearly for the trip, scams include a "Euro per street" It's amazing how many streets you can pass or travel on in 100 metres, I spoke to a girl who was charged €22 euro for a 200 metre dash, most are sound lads and will do the short trips for a fiver plus tips.

Sunday, 17 June 2007

Sleepers......More like unconcious

Working nights in Dublin (the drinking capital of the world) I get more than my share of people sleeping in the car, tonight was no exception, this guy looked OK when he flagged me, but as soon as he sat in the back seat and began talking I knew he wouldn't last long, "Lucan" he said. Lucan is a good 20 km outside town so there was no way I was going to be able to keep him talking, "where in Lucan are you?" I asked. He was already gone..... eyes closed, mouth open....... gathering drool, swaying from side to side with the motion of the car.
At least I could switch off the pop music I play for customers and listen to Newstalk for a bit of topical discussion.
I decided I'd leave him until the Foxhunter Pub which is just before Lucan, then I started my routine; Flicked the MP3 Player to the rock section, stuck on Deep Purple, (Highway star) at full whack, rolled down all the windows, opened the sunroof and began yelling "WE'RE in LUCAN NOW WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO!!" after a minute or so he began reviving, looked a bit dazed and said errrrrrrrrrrrr left here , I duly obliged, after coming to a roundabout I saw he'd gone back to sleep so I yelled again "WHERE TO HERE, MATE?" again he seemed unsure saying yeah yeah errrrrrr left, after a few minutes of this we ended up at a Cul DE Sac, I stopped and said "that's €28 please", he looked around and asked " Where am I " I explained how we'd arrived at this juncture to which he replied " I don't live here, I live in Beech Park" I brought him to Beech Park ( A right at the Foxhunter pub) he paid the €34 apologising for his stupidity, would have been about €18 if he'd stayed awake......Lesson learned? (I doubt it)

Saturday, 16 June 2007

Someone with a few bob in town?


Spotted this thing parked on the Liffey beside the new Pedestrian Bridge at Jurys Inn Hotel, decided to take a snap, used the firework setting on the camera, liked how it came out and thought I'd show it off.

The Manhattan


Click to enlarge

The Manhatton , this little hovel is one of the most famous eating holes in Dublin, it opens it's doors each evening at 11:30 pm and closes at around 5am, depending on when the last punter leaves.
It has served up the greasy spoon to the great and the good of Dublin society, including Lord Bono, Julia Roberts ,Tom Cruise, amongst many other Luminaries who normally reside in A list parties, A must at the end of a good drinking session if you can get a seat!

Friday, 15 June 2007

Bloomsday 2007


Have you read James Joyce's masterpiece Ulysses? The novel recounts the hour-by-hour events of one day in Dublin—June 16, 1904, as Leopold Bloom "wends his way through the urban landscape, the odyssey of a modern-day Ulysses." James Joyce fans in at least sixty countries celebrate the day, but of course the best place is in Dublin. Streets, shops, pubs, churches, bridges -- something of Dublin pops up on nearly every page of the book. There the events of Leopold Bloom's day are re-enacted by anyone who cares to participate, and his itinerary is followed all across Dublin

A Taste of Dublin ( well more like a nibble)

A big theme in the cab tonight was customers disapointment with the "Taste of Dublin Experience" in the Iveagh Gardens.
This is a yearly event where the top restaurants in Dublin, (some Michelin star) come together to offer samples from their menus at "affordable" prices.
Tonight was the first night of this years run , (it's open until Sunday) but it rained continuously so the outdoor element proved disastrous.
Tim and Sarah who had traveled across from Castlebar, in Mayo, (a good three and a half hour journey) told me they paid the €25 entrance fee and queued in the rain at the Chapter one Marquee, ( a famous Michelin star restaurant) only to be told when they got to the counter that unlike previous years they needed to buy vouchers rather than give cash at the counter, seemingly they needed to find one of the guys with a blue balloon! They promptly left the event €50 poorer and without sampling any food!
John, an employee of Dell Computers who where on yet another team bonding excercise, was supplied with the entrance ticket and €20 worth of vouchers by Dell, he queued (again in the rain) for Rhodes D7 restaurant and for €7 in vouchers, got a starter portion of Duck on a bed of red cabbage, he also got two of the steak dishes in Chapter one at €6 each, he said it was nice but he had to eat them crammed up against other people in a standing position, in total Dell had paid €70 for the three starters, to be eaten standing up in a squashed marquee, good value? what do you think?

Some Pictures, taken on the evening of the 14th June 2007, in Dublin.

The Custom House with the river Liffey in the foreground

Christ Church Cathedral looking quite scary lit up with an orange hue

The Shelbourne Hotel on St. Stephens Green

Thursday, 14 June 2007

The Pisser

I've had one pisser in my car, a lady, (loose definition there) thankfully she and her three friends came up with the €125 fouling charge. Five minutes later I was in the all night valet on the Greenhills rd in Walkinstown, getting it all sucked up.
For €25 I was back up and running, car dry and smelling of roses.
Happy days.

Roy out............. See ya laters

Roys Diary, Wednesday 13th of June 2007

Wednesday night, not usually very exciting or busy, As usual I'm late starting out, only left the house at 9:15, let's see what happens eh?

9:33pm ; If it wasn't for the Rain

Spot a beautiful girl standing on Portobello Bridge looking for a taxi, Turns out she's a Czech heading to the cinema in Parnell Street to meet her boyfriend , going to see Oceans 13.
She's been here in Ireland a year and a half now, working as a waitress in a Restaurant on Parliament Street.
She loves living in Dublin but hates the weather she'd stay here forever if it wasn't for the rain!
She's heading off to Tenerife next week where she will meet her parents and have a well deserved holiday, up to now she's only ever gone home to the Czech Republic, where she gets pulled about between friends and relatives and is made visit the Doctor and the Dentist (very expensive in Ireland)

Finish at 9:45pm

Distance traveled 3.3km, fare €9.50, tip, €2 total........ €11.50

The Video explained; Coming over Capel Street Bridge, on the right you see the Sunbeam building, it has tiled murals depicting the use and trading of soap around the world. Then at the lights where the girl looks like she's going to walk out in front of the car, to the left is the Porterhouse and on the right is The Front lounge, a popular gay bar, the small red building beside it is the restaurant Ciao Bella Roma and straight ahead you can see the town hall.

I Travel to my favourite Rank on St Stephens Green (this will be a recurring theme) via Parliament St (where the girl worked) above is a video of the Street that I took.

10:14 Kevin Myers is a Ponce

From the rank I acquire two young girls going home to their apartment in Balnagowan in the posh leafy suburb of Rathgar.
They'd been to a talk given as part of the ongoing writers festival by Kevin Myers in the Project Arts centre . He's a pain in the arse controversial, for the sake of being controversial novelist and opinion writer, once of the Times, now slumming it with the Independent. His talk was on how to be objective.,how Ironic.

finish at 10:27 distance traveled 4.1km fare €11.10 with tip I got €15 woo hoo!!

Go back to St Stephens Green again!

10:52pm Belfast is a Dreary place it seems

Yet another beautiful young girl going to Waterloo Rd! This time from Limerick, working for the bank of Ireland.
She'd been to Bruxelles off Grafton Street for a few drinks after work, being a Smoker she stayed outside at a table and was feeling the cold.
She commented on how much she loved living in Dublin and contrasted it with a recent visit to Belfast doing a recruitment drive for the Bank in Queens University, she felt the people were very diferent (colder) and that Belfast was a very Dreary place.
By the way she walks every day from Waterloo Rd to the IFSC on Dublins Northside, a distance of about 5km in 25 minutse, no wonder she looked fit!

Finish 11pm, distance traveled 2.1km, fare €6.70 with tip €8

You guessed it back to the rank on St Stephens Green!

11:15pm A Female in a male environment

Yet another young lady, this time going to Templeouge, a girl from Castleisland in County Kerry, she was left into the car by her boyfriend of three months, I'd incorrectly guessed it was a first date, she has strong hopes for the relationship, We spoke for a while about my visit to the beautiful Caves near her town.
She'd been for a few drinks in Sheehans on Gaity green, then went to Little Ceasers for a meal then back to Sheehans again, nice night!
Turns out she's a civil engineer, I asked her what it was like working in a male type of environment? she said she felt females had a good effect, making the place nicer to work in, less bad language and less of a need for stupid macho behaviour.

finish 11:31 distance6.7km, fare €13.90 with tip €15

Back to the Green we go!!

11:40 The 02 abilty Awards

Three cork Langers in tuxedos who work for a company called Healthcare 21 coming from the Gala award ceremony and Dinner in Dublin Castle, awarding disabled people who had achieved great success in the business world, they went to the Raddison Hotel,
Healthcare 21 supplies equipment to the hospital sector.

Finish 12:05 am distance9.3km, fare €17 with tip €20

Back on the Rank! Stopped off to refuel in Donnybrook met two bikers sitting on their Harleys eating Snicker bars, asked me if it was the road to Wexford told them it was, they had a tough 3 hour ride ahead of them!


Picked up a lad from Ardee County Louth going to Pearse St, he'd been to a bonding event at Leopardtown races, free drink, free booze, and he won €100 , knew I wouldn't be getting a tip because he was from Ardee, so I slagged him about his accent. You see people from Ardee cannot pronounce R and will stress their vowels forever, for example, when someone from Ardee wants to buy a Mars Bar in a shop, they'll ask for a "Maaaaaas Baaaaaaa", and when you ask them where they are from, they'll say "Aaaaaadeeeeee"

Finish 12:32 distance2.3 km, fare €6.90

Didn't make it to the rank! pick up on Pearse Street.

12:35 Dutch employer takes them shooting

Picked up a nice enough lad from Galway going to Harolds Cross, Working for Du Laga Landan, (means the lowlands in Dutch? spelling?) a sister company of Rabobank dealing solely with big business, they have their Treasury Department here because of favourable Tax breaks.
He'd been Clay pidgeon shooting out in Balbriggan , yet another bonding excersise, all these employees will be glued together soon! It seems the company does something diferent with them each month and once a year they go to Eindhoven on a big piss up!

Finish 12:49, distance 4.4km, fare €9.30 got a tenner €10

Time to go to Coppers nite club

1:09am What happens in Ayanappa stays in Ayanappa

Picked up Emma Rachael and Leanne from outside Coppers, they'd just finished their state exams and were out celebrating, ended up having a shit night in Carnival, (not their scene, full of rockers) because the fake ID didn't get Emma in to Tripod....... where the gang was.
On the way to Stillorgan with Rachael, (the other two were going accross to Dundrum) nice fare!, we came across a random Breath test checkpoint set up by the police, I told them it was coming up and that they better have the belts on, Emma was worried she'd fail the breath test, got slagged off big time by the other two for saying that!
Asked where they where going for the after exams trip and in Unison they screamed; "WHAT HAPPENS IN AYANAPPA STAYS IN AYANAPPA", somehow I got the impression it might be their Virginity!

Finish 1:35, distance 15.1 fare €27.10 with tip €30 (that's more like it!)

I took two more fares after that;
One start time 2:04 finish 2:21 fare €15.50
Next start time 2:43 finish 2:50 fare €8.50

Both were more kids from after exam bashes, the streets were now crawling with them, I had to pull in with the last guy so he could puke all over the pavement, My cue to call it a night, leave these cretins to the mugs.

[Upload your own video]

Oh yeah! Here's a crap video of my drive around the Green to my Favourite rank, I know the sound is slow and dire, but just after AC/DC start singing and before I pull up behind the Police Van, on the right is what I regard as the best hotel in Dublin; The Grand Dame of St Stephens Green .......the Shelbourne, forget about the 4 seasons and the upcoming 7 star ritz, this is the place to stay

Roy OUT see ya laters