I Warned Him!

A guy (not Irish) got into my taxi outside D2 night club on Harcourt Street, he told me where he was going and then took out his phone. I told him he shouldn't ring her, that he was breaking two golden rules;

1. Never ring her (or text) after midnight
2. Never ring her (or text) while drunk

But did he listen? No! He rang her and it seemed got a poor reception, he was told to ring back in ten minutes.
I did the "I told you so", but he explained that she was on holiday in Miami and that he wouldn't be seeing her either this or next weekend.
I was able to let him off with the after midnight rule as Miami is 5 hours behind but he was still drunk! and I also wondered why he only mentioned weekends and asked him why?
He said it was an interesting story and proceeded to tell me;

They met in Lebanon in 2000, she is Lebanese and he was the son of a hight ranking diplomat to Lebanon at the time, eventually he went back home to study and after getting his degree and a job was transferred to Dublin, she was/is now working in Paris so they hooked up via the internet and rekindled their relationship to the stage were they now alternate between Paris and Dublin at weekends.

So he rang her back, began spouting off about all the "drunken" conversations he'd had with work colleagues, digging himself deeper and deeper into holes, as she was aware these were conversations best not had and which he'd never have had while sober, he continued to try explain how it was all right but I could see he was getting no-where. He even tried changing the subject by bringing up a conversation I'd had with him about Brian Keenan, an Irishman that had been held kidnap in Lebanon in the late 80's, but it was no good.
Eventually when we arrived at his house he handed me the phone saying his girlfriend wanted to speak to me!
She spoke, surprisingly, in an upper class English accent and asked me how drunk was her boyfriend, I replied "on a scale of one to ten I'd put him at eight and a half", He laughed and cried "you bastard you've landed me right in it now!".
"Told you you should never ring after midnight and while drunk, you just wouldn't listen" I replied

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Politics.ie.... Abusing Taxi Drivers

I had the misfortune to come across this post on the Politics.ie forum.
It starts off with the old "some Taxi drivers are OK" routine.
That's similar to the, "some of my best friends are ...", prior to a racist remark.
He then goes on to describe us as foul mouthed, smelly, rip off merchants.
It's followed up thankfully by one or two generous remark, but mostly more of the same, including the age old "they don't pay tax" and tales of getting ripped off.
That's probably why Ashamed acted as he did?
It can be viewed here.

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Our most Famous Taxi Driver, wants to "Clear His Name"

Gerry "The Monk" Hutch, has asked for an interview, (which has been refused) on Ireland's top chat show "The Late Late Show", in an effort to counteract a feature due to appear on TV3's "Dirty Money" program which will claim he is/was a gangster, however, he has been granted an interview on the popular "Primetime " show where he will endeavor to clear his name.
Although Gerry has paid out over €1.3 million to the criminal assets bureau, (CAB), he has never been convicted of a serious crime, just some petty stuff as a child in the 80s, however Paul Williams, the journalist doing the "Dirty Money" program has ascertained he was involved in the £3.8 million Brinks Allied robbery in 1995, amongst others.
Gerry was awarded a small public service vehicle license despite the police fighting it's issuing through the courts and he then began operating as a Taxi driver, he now operates a very popular stretched Hummer limousine company.
I had Gerry in my Taxi once a good while back and although he was extremely friendly, he was also extremely intimidating, he hailed me from the street and we picked up a nephew of his, whom he advised to plead guilty to some minor traffic offenses in return for a larger one being dropped , (good advice I thought), we then dropped the lad off and Gerry returned to where I'd picked him up.
Nothing spectacular but that was the job.
He was nicknamed "The Monk" by Veronica Guerin, the journalist who was murdered by gangsters, which lead to the setting up of CAB, it is said she liked him and chose the name because of his general demeanor, the fact he seemingly stayed clear of Drugs and was good to the area he grew up in, setting up a boxing club for example.
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All my plans laid to Waste

I arrived on the rank at St Stephens Green tonight and I had to park illegally on the median lines while awaiting a free space on the secondary queue, there were 19 cars ahead of me on the rank so I decided I'd keep a blow by blow account of the nights work..... to show just how bad things were getting.
Five minutes later I was the first car on the secondary queue You may need to read, "St Stephens Green Rank Explained" and a trio got into the car, one going to Sutton Cross, then on to Lusk and finishing off in Balbriggan, all for a fare of €75.00, the rest of the night wasn't too bad either.
Brutal ........... the stuff life throws at you.
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The Red Light District,, Dublin

June in Florida asked about the red lights in the previous post.
I found these daytime images of the same lights, they are scattered all over the south Docklands area, which is currently being developed, I read that they are supposed to represent a red carpet which will lead to an open air theater.
It's Art I guess?
















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Off Tonight, More Crappy pictures

Dublin's South Docks, The Red Light District. What are they all about?;

Click to enlarge

Bruxelles on the right (with the red awning), A good pub. The Westbury Hotel on the left (A good Hotel) Sorry about the funny colours, a car went past as I took the photo;

Click to enlarge (that's the only one worth enlarging!)

The famous St James Gate, the entrance to the Guinness Factory, please bless yourself as you pass;

Stu's Garage, at the rear of number 69 new Cabra Road, opens until 4am, take a look down the lane..... if the lights on.... he's there;



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Pearse Street closed, building Collapse

The Naughton Building on the corner of Westland Row and Pearse Street (pictured right) has been damaged by high winds with glass partitions falling to the ground, there are no reports of anyone being hurt as yet but traffic in the city has ground to a standstill.
The Naughton building houses the new climbing wall and Science gallery and was only completed late last year.
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The Junkie

I was asked a question during my recent radio interview which I was unable to answer at the time, the question was;
What was the messiest job you ever had?
I've thought about it and here it is;
I was queuing in traffic on Wexford street when this guy opened the door and sat in beside me, I recognised him, he was the lad that sat between the two ATM machines on Camden street begging.
He said he wanted to go to Sheriff street, buy some gear and return.
I hadn't been driving the Taxi for long and felt a little trapped, he was already in the car, OK, it was a poxy job but he wasn't intimidating, I decided to just do the job and get it over with.
As we drove to Sheriff street I spoke to him about how he got to this point and he told me the same hard luck story I've heard a million times since, he seemed a nice enough guy though and I grew to like him a little.
Eventually we arrived at Sheriff street and he left me a manky jacket as security, then walked towards a group that were hanging about outside a shop a hundred metres away.
I'm not sure why I didn't just drive away at this juncture but I decided to hang about and see it through.
He chatted with this group for a little while, then two of them left on bicycles, returning eventually, I assumed with his gear. He then returned to my cab.
Back in the seat beside me he began sweating profusely, I asked him was there something wrong but he said no, this always happened after he got his gear. It was the anticipation of his upcoming fix!
He then said he was going to get his "works" ready and with that he took a selection of syringes and needles from the jacket I'd been minding, he pointed out the various types and sizes and their general usage, he showed me the one he preferred; a particularly long needle, seemingly he was very lucky and had a scab on his groin he could pick at, extract a little puss and inject, thereby saving his veins. He explained how many of his peers had no veins left.
He reckoned the quality of the gear he'd just obtained was so good he could just mix it with the water in the toilet of the chipper beside his ATM begging spot, a much coveted spot amongst beggars which he "owned", obviously he was the king of the beggars?
Different world!

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Dublin from the Sky

This is a very short video from a Helicopter taken over the river Liffey:
It's crap but hey!

A grabbed Frame;

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Why a Taxi Blog?

A friend asked me this whilst I complained about material drying up, was I not restricting myself? If I did a general blog I could write about all my interests rather than just those pertaining to my job.
So why did I start a Taxi blog?
The main reason was because I was unhappy with the spokespeople being put forward that were supposedly representing Taxi drivers, they certainly weren't representing me, they seemed to be anti everything, NO! NO! NO! seemed to be their mantra, whereas I 'm a lot more liberal, I started a Taxi section on a forum I had and tried unsuccessfully to interest other taxi drivers I found online, it was a disaster! So I began the blog, initially to attract people to the forum but eventually it took over.
I don't represent Taxi drivers, I just represent myself, but I hope the blog gives an idea of what the job entails and maybe explains why we are how we are, Grumpy Bastards!

DublinGoat asked in the comments section for an update on the stats so just for him, here's just that.

These are the Stats I gave last time out:

Click image to view

These are the stats for the last two weeks... steady improvement I'd say?

Click image to enlarge

these two lines say it all:

Click images to enlarge

Hopefully I can keep it going

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Taxi Documentary wins an Oscar

A documentary about an Afgan Taxi driver who was beaten to death by American soldiers has won the best Documentary at the 2008 Oscar ceremony
Excerpt from wikipedia;

Taxi to the Dark Side is an acadamy award winning documentary directed by filmmaker Alex Gibney

The film focuses around the controversial death in custody of an Afgan taxi driver named Dilawar, Dilawar was beaten to death by American soldiers while being held in extrajudicial detention at the Bagram Air base .

Taxi to the Dark Side also goes on to examine America's policy on Torture in general, specifically the CIA's and their research into sensory deprivation . There is description of the opposition to the use of torture from its political and military opponents, as well as the defence of such methods; the attempts by Congress to uphold the standards of the Geneva convention forbidding torture; and the now popular of the use of torture techniques in shows such as 24 .

The film is said to be the first film to contain images taken within Bagram Air Base

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A Charge for a Charge

A lad in the cab last night told me a story about his Uncle who is a fellow Taxi driver;
One night he was taking a lad home about whom he was a bit wary. As he was guided through a remote part of Dublin he saw the guy make a move to strike him and when he raised his arm to defend himself it was struck with a knife!
The guy shouted at him to hand over his takings, saying he'd kill him if he didn't, but somehow, probably a rush of adrenaline, the Taxi driver overpowered him and then went on to beat the living crap out of him.
The would be thief pressed assault charges against the Taxi driver, which were dropped when he withdrew charges against the thief.
You just can't win!
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Be Careful what you Say!

It was a long fare, took about three quarters of an hour. i did most of the talking, which is generally the case particularly with the early jobs, but it was the odd snippet from him that were the most revealing, just goes to prove it's not about the quantity more to do with the quality.... when it comes to Talk.
While I rambled on about various career paths I've taken, he mentioned that he had clients that worked in those industries.
Then when I mentioned a particular company he said one of his clients was the wife of the owner of a competitors company and told a nice story of how they started the firm.
Later when I got bored talking about myself (seriously it does happen) I said that he had mentioned clients in our conversation and asked was he an accountant? "No" he said, "I'm a personal trainer"
"One on one?", I asked, "women throwing themselves at you?"
"Yeah, sad middle aged women trying to keep up with the "girls" as well as fend off there husbands inevitable affair"
He may not have used those exact words, but Hey! who cares?

Now if I was to say;
A chap who was in the car last night is a personal trainer to X , she's the wife of X the owner of X company, he said she's a sad middle aged woman desperately trying to keep up with the other girls and keeping trim in an effort to stop her husband having an affair.

That wouldn't be very nice!


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Important Message:

To the householder in the Llewelynn housing estate in Balinteer, i won't mention the road but the number is in the high twenties:
Do you think it's about time you put away the Christmas tree?
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Irlande Deuze Pointes

I just had to add this;
Irelands entry to the Eurovision Song Contest
Dustin the Turkey (a one time Irish Presidential candidate)

I don't think the rest of Europe will get the joke?

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Don't give up the Day Job

There was a couple in the car tonight, the lad aspires to someday be a top stand up comic.
He told me he'd already done a few University gigs that went down really well and he felt sure that he had a career in the comedy business.
My Sat-Nav inspired him to dome up with this gem!

"I'm at an age were I'd really like to own a car, but unfortunately I cannot afford one.
However, I can afford a Sat-Nav, so I'm going to get one, then I'll bring it on the bus with me and suggest alternative, quicker routes to the Bus Driver.

Somehow, I don't think he's going to make it!

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Granny's Mammy

The twenty year old girl I picked up from outside Tram-co Night Club was upset.
She'd recently got engaged to the father of her four month old baby and they were renting a small house together.
All that sounded nice, romantic even.... so why all the tears, was it alcohol maybe?
It turns out her six year old son, whom she had with another boy, doesn't want to move in with her and the Granny (her mother) doesn't want ANY of them to leave.
It seems the girl went back to school after having her first child and I'm guessing pretty much had a "normal" life, with the child's Granny more or less rearing him.
TOUGH ONE!
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Two Thoughts for The Night

1:I hate those new Jeans with the dark and light patches, either on the Ass or running down the legs, I always think the person has pissed themselves as they walk away from the Taxi, it sends my heart sideways!


2:I've mentioned this before but why do some Taxi drivers insist on breaking the rules of the road when they have passengers on board?, making illegal right turns, heading off down contra flow bus lanes, and speeding. What do they gain? Why risk a fine and penalty points? Why make the rest of us look bad when we refuse to follow suit?


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Men in Skirts Queuing

My over-riding memory for this evening is one of Scottish guys wandering around somewhat aimlessly with vacant expressions on their faces and of people queuing.
They were queuing for everything;
ATMs (cash machines, drink links.... whatever you call them)
Fast food restaurants (I mean down the streets!)
Pubs and Clubs, they all had these barriers out for crowd control!
Then in the end, they Queued for Taxis.
Thing is, they'll do it all again tomorrow night!

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The Burlo to reopen in April

The Burlington hotel will reopen quietly on the 28th of April and then officially on the 1st of May. This is good news for Taxi drivers and patrons alike.
This is a bit of an Irishtaxi.net exclusive as the press release isn't going to be sent out for a week or two, I believe the source to be a good one (only time will tell) so if you fancy a quiet pint in 4 star surroundings this is the place to be during the last week in April before it gets swamped again.


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Interview on Spin 103.8

This is my interview with Jonathon and Clare on Spin 103.8, I guess if you can't laugh at yourself, life is harder?;

Get your own playlist at snapdrive.net!


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It Seems I've been a Bold Boy!

Generally when I bring a girl home in the Taxi late at night, the end of the trip normally goes like this;

Roy: Have you got your keys ready to go?
Girl: Yeah, I'll get them, thanks.
Roy: Go straight to bed, you've had enough messing for one night.
Girl :Yeah, OK,... thanks.
Roy : Good girl, take care now.

All fairly innocent I thought, but tonight when the same old scenario was played out, the girl then got back in beside me!

She told me she was a senior manager in charge of a team of eight men, was well able to take care of herself and me calling her a "good girl" was patronising.

I apologised, said it was habit, born out of being a father and meant no harm.
Thankfully she let me off with a smile.
So should I stop or was she being pedantic?
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Roy on the Radio Part 2

Dublin Taxis have been voted the third friendliest in the world and it seems I'm being interviewed about it tomorrow at 2pm, on Spin 103.8
When I mentioned this to my 15 year old son, he said; "But that's a good station, I listen to that!"
My 20 year old daughters reaction was similar.
She said ;"With Clare and Jonathon", to which I nodded, she said; "PLEASE NO! All my friends listen to that". "Cool", I thought, "I can perform my fatherly duties and embarrass them both."
You can listen to Spin here, (I'm supposed to be on around 2pm Irish time)

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Ask the Taximan

(Click picture to view full size)

As mentioned in the above post I'm going on the radio tomorrow.
I guess this means I'm going to be asked questions? (some of which I believe may be texted in by the listeners!)
What would you ask? (I'll try answer)

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Ashamed

I had a Taxi driver in the cab last night, he does very well, works a 60 hour week and is delighted with his earnings.
He told me about his lovely four year old car and how he detests drivers with older cabs as they let down the trade.
I said I'd look out for his Taxi as we entered his estate but he said I wouldn't see it.
He takes the roof-sign off about two miles from his house, he continued to say that he has one of those meters that is incorporated into the rear view mirror and that no-one in the estate knows he drives a Taxi. They think he still works for Eircom.
"Why is that I asked"
"I'm ashamed of being a Taxi driver" he said.
"Snobby fecker", I thought!

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Why Can't You Get a Taxi on a Rugby Weekend?

The Scottish are coming over this weekend you won't be able to get a Taxi for love nor money!
Over and over I'll be asked the same question;
"Why did 50 Taxis drive past me, Empty and with the Roofsign light off?"
Let's get the Roofsign bit out of the way; The reason the light stays off is because people would be even more frustrated if we drove past with it on!
Now I realise on the night you'll be pissed but for now try empathise with the Taxi Driver, try put yourself behind the wheel.
First thing you should realise is, we want to stop, that's how we earn a living! So why don't we?
As you drive along almost everybody is trying to flag you down, some are in large groups outside pubs and clubs, some are standing on blind bends, others are out on the road itself, yet more are leaning against poles or are being held up by friends.
Would you stop for any of the above?
Taxi drivers are operating on instinct and experience and mostly try stop where it's safe to do so and where they feel the prospective customer looks a reasonable bet (not because she's blond and has big ......)
A quick note about ranks;
They are designed for Taxis to queue for customers not the other way around, queue there if you want but it's not always the best idea!

You might also like to read;
How to get a Taxi in Dublin between 2 and 5 am on a Saturday Morning

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Doors of Dublin

Dublin is famous for it's doors....... Seriously!
Tourists get their pictures taken outside houses with nice doors.(mostly Georgian)
This is my favorite;


Yeah they are real live Fish!

It's a cafe on South William Street.

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Barrys

Barrys hotel on the northside of Dublin City Centre, is "Copper Face Jacks" for old people, they play a selection of country music and old showband songs and it is populated by older country folk that live in Dublin as well as those up in the smoke for a "bit of business".
Tonights customer said that he'd "have a bit of a hop and that if he got lucky he might even get an auld ride"
He must've been about eighty!
I wished him luck.
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"Pay it Forward"

This guy opened the door of the cab and asked would I mind taking him around the corner to Leeson Street, he said that he was sorry and knew it was a short trip.
I replied in a not overly friendly tone as I'd been waiting fifteen minutes on the rank, that if that was where he was going, then I'd take him there.
He got in and told me that either way he'd have insisted on being taken, but if I'd argued he'd have paid only the fare, which turned out to be €5.20, but as I'd agreed he was going to give me €20.
As he got out he told me to "Pay it forward", that crap movie must have had a major effect on him!
Meanwhile a few seconds later a Chinese lad (I only mention that he was Chinese because he was) got into the car going to Pimlico and paid me €10 for another €5.20 fare.
I'd made €30 in just over ten minutes!
Pay it forward me arse!
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A Rant

June in Florida reminded me of a real pet hate of mine;
The guy or girl that gets into a Taxi and says that they need to be in the Airport in ten minutes or else they'll miss their flight, or maybe its that they are running late for an interview or an important meeting.
I generally say this to them;
"You know how we can sort this out for you?"
They normally ask; "How?"
Then I say "leave twenty minutes ago!" which doesn't go down too well but it makes me feel good.
These journeys are always tense, no matter which route is taken another would have had less traffic, quicker lights and be better serviced by the Bus lanes.
Really, if you want to get to the Airport in ten minutes, hire a feckin' Helicopter!
While I'm at it let's discuss the "follow that Taxi the guy in the passenger seat has the address of the party" trick;
If that Taxi goes through a junction and the lights go red, I'm going to stop, I'm not Clint Eastwood and this ain't Dirty Harry!

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Ronnie Drew... Here's to you

Famous Dub and one time lead singer with the Dubliners, Ronnie Drew, is fighting a battle with cancer.
U2 and a band of Bowsies (some of Irelands finest) got together and recorded a tribute.
You can hear a sample here
Sorry Bono, it sounds awful!
What do you think?


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Doing a Midnight Flit?

I'm not too sure exactly what I got myself involved in this time!;
At 1am this morning I was flagged down on the South Circular Road by a lad carrying a large black bin liner.
I pulled in and he went to the boot (trunk) which I opened, he threw in the bag then rushed into the house and proceeded to carry out bag after bag which he piled in on top of the first one.
He then continued to fill the back seat with yet more bags as well as a small TV, a DVD player and a microwave oven, along with some cooking utensils.
He then sat in beside me, said "Don't ask" ...so I didn't, we went to a nearby apartment block where he unloaded all the items onto the pavement.
Thing is I didn't get a brass cent extra for moving the entire contents of his flat, or helping him to rob it...Whichever?
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The latest Tyres

No air so they never puncture you just change the thread when it wears out.
Deformable wheel! acts like an extra shock.
Flexible spokes, better than Air at absorbing road defects

Looks fucking poxy!

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Taxi Scams

I hear about a lot of Taxi scams in the cab, the most ridiculous of which was the lad who was going to Milltown from a club in Dublin city, he fell asleep and woke up 200km away, heading to Milltown in Cork....pure bullshit, I reckon!
Lots of friends of customers who were visiting from abroad ended up paying 2 ,3, maybe 4 times the normal fare home.
The lads at the Airport get tarred with a lot of accusations as they encounter the most tourists.

I guess some basic rules should apply;

1. Only pay whats on the meter (all of Ireland is metered)
2. Never let the driver know you don't know where you are

Have you or a friend ever been scammed in a Taxi?

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I'm Heartbroken

I was chatting to a friend yesterday, a regular reader of the blog and a one time regular commenter.
I asked her how come she doesn't comment as much lately and she replied;
"If you write something interesting, then I might be able to comment on it"
After picking myself up of the floor and wiping my tears I thought about it and realised; "Beepys right!"
I'll try make it more interesting in future, I blame the customers, they just aren't as entertaining as they used to be!
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Wanna know why the Traffic is Shite?

I was at a party on Saturday evening and I got talking to a pal who's now working in the traffic management section of Dublin City Council.
Keen to see how he was getting on with all the proposals I gave to him a few weeks back, he smiled and asked had I not noticed the vast improvements he'd made already?
In reality he said the office is snowed under with requests from resident associations, councilors and other "concerned citizens" for the erection of speed ramps, pedestrian crossings, along with the placing of double yellow lines, speed cameras and signs, as well as, funnily enough the removal of all of the above as well!
Each case has to be assessed on merit with surveyors attending the sites and measuring the need or otherwise of the location.
I guess if they were left to it they might be able to sort things out where it's ACTUALLY needed rather than having to pander to these people!

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Why are the Taxi Drivers in the Airport so Grumpy?

This is a question I get asked from time to time, now I'm sure it's just another stereotype and they're not all grumpy, but I'll try to justify their mood if I can.
First of all let me explain, I don't operate out of Dublin Airport, they have a permit system, so if you don't have a permit you can't accept fares there and with me being a good Southsider and the Airport being located in the deepest darkest Northside, I've ever bothered to apply for one.
When you come out of the arrivals hall and see the three lines of Taxis waiting to take you to your destination, they didn't just appear there, first they had to go into a holding area called "The Kesh" it's called "The Kesh" after Long Kesh, the Northern Irish prison that housed the infamous H-blocks, home for many years to both Republican and Unionist inmates.
You see, once they enter the holding area they cannot escape until they are let out, which could be quite a while judging by the size of it and the amount of Taxis queuing!
They also have to pay 70c, (I think, it may be more now?) for the privilege of using this "facility". When they are eventually let out, they then join the queue you see at arrivals, which can be another long wait.
So their mood is generally bad to begin with as you get in, it's your job to cheer them up!
Telling them your just back from the Maldives may not be the way to go!
To begin with you should be going a fair distance, so even if you're going to the nearest town; Swords, why not go via the city centre? tell the driver you want to go sight seeing.
Don't talk about yourself or your holiday! ask him how he's feeling and if he's having a good day, sympathise with his problems.
On the other hand, he might be a She! if that's the case.............. god love you, cause she'll probably be bursting for a wee as well!.

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Trainee Accountants

I was out at a party last night and feel a bit delicate, I'll try a post about a stereotypical customer, bear with me if it's shite, the ole head isn't great!.
These are a big part of the midweek Taxi trade, the large accountancy firms such as Deloitte, Ernst and young , KPMG and others take on hundreds of graduates each year, pay them poorly but train them up to be chartered accountants or whatever pinnacle they achieve, paying for their training and exams.
We get them after a night on the tiles that normally begins with some meeting or lecture of some kind and finishes with a meal and a night club.
In the cab they talk to each other about the merits or otherwise of the various "Team Leaders" ...comparing notes.
Their job mostly entails being sent out to firms to perform external audits which effectively involves checking other peoples work (not the most popular kid on the block!), this I assume is how many eventually turn into the introverted loners we associate with this profession.
I've had one or two of the team leaders in the cab and all have come through this system and now have the job of picking the next batch to be taken on by the firm.
They say that many achieve top grades and perform well in the job so a big part of how they choose is based on how they behave on these "nights out" and the performance on the days following is scrutinised.
One unusual comment by one of the team leaders was that those that are over eager are weeded out first... so ass licking gets them nowhere
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Pity The Fools!

I really felt sorry for this poor fool, she'd gotten all dolled up in her best gear for a night at the theater, but the booking was for last Friday!
Wasn't he sure he'd booked it for the Friday after Valentines?
"Not according to the date on the ticket...... you muppet!"
She gave him lackery.
Nearly as bad was the second chap; he'd walked way ahead of his girlfriend in an effort to grab the Taxi, then tried to usher another girl into the cab whom he mistakenly believed was her!
You can imagine what his real girlfriend said when she eventually caught up, having witnessed that!
"You thought that girl was me! Don't you even know what I look like?" Was how it began.
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They Felt Done

I got four English lads going from South William Street across to Abbey Street, they'd walked it earlier in about 5 minutes using a pedestrian bridge and walkways.
The same trip took me over fifteen minutes because of the one way systems and the traffic and as the journey wore on I could hear mutterings about the cost and the time of the trip.
The atmosphere in the cab grew thick, however if I'd said that they'd be better walking before they got in they'd have accused me of refusing a fare because it was short and if I'd mentioned it during the journey they'd have said I should have mentioned it before setting off, so I really couldn't win.
I just took the fare, said nothing and forgot about it (until now).
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A Credit to the Planners

I've posted a few nasty posts about the planners since I started this place, so when I passed the old "Archers Garage" and was reminded of a rare success, I thought it only fair to post about that too.

This was the grade one listed "Art Deco" style building which was demolished by a developer over the course of a bank holiday weekend,

This is it after they'd demolished it, normally the planners would have fined them and allowed another building be built in it's place.



But instead they insisted it be re-built as it was. this is the finished project;


Not too shabby eh?

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The Country Cousins Are Getting Fractious

It begins:

• Limerick

LIMERICK City Council passed a motion this Monday, tabled by Cllr. Kevin Kiely, Cllr. Jim Long and Cllr. Kieran Walsh.

It stated, "the industry is over saturated and is not sustainable in providing a quality living standard for the majority of full time taxi plate holders”.

The Cllrs pointed to the over-supply of taxi plates and the influx of part-timers occupying city ranks.

Mayor, Ger Fahy, will write to the taxi regulator, Environment Minister, John Gormley, and Limerick Dail deputies for support.

• Galway

A number of councilors called for a halt to city centre taxi and hackney licensing this week, on the basis that there is no space for them.

The concerns regarding the abundance of taxi and hackney drivers in the city were raised at Monday evening’s Galway City Council meeting following a presentation of the progress report on the Galway City Development Plan. It was during a question and answer period that a number of councillors deemed the progress report to be failing to deal with the lack of space for these drivers in the city and agreed that something needed to be done about the overcrowding of taxis and hackneys in both Eyre Square and throughout the city.

Following an outburst by Fine Gael Cllr Padraig Conneely regarding the situation, Fianna Fail Cllr Michael Crowe went so far as to call the current situation in the city “a joke” and “a catastrophe waiting to happen”, he said he believed that no more licences should be handed out in the city until something is done about space. Labour Cllr Billy Cameron would later agree with Cllr Crowe, describing his own unpleasant personal experience with city taxi drivers on the weekends, mentioning how he often has to avoid them because of the harassment received.

These snippets are with thanks to my friend Spook
I wonder will they have any effect?
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Ease of Access

Now this is what I call easy to service!

See this and more fantastic pictures taken in and around the "real" NYC


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The Gardai and the Taxi

For those that aren't aware the Gardai are the Irish police force.
I wish there was a little more consistency in the policing of the unofficial ranks such as those outside night clubs and those who ply for hire at non-appointed stands such as the bottom of Grafton Street and the odd busy pub.
Either it should be a free for all, which seems to be the case most of the time, with Garda cars and patrols paying no attention whatsoever, or a complete clampdown with tickets being issued on the spot.
That way we'd know where we stand, sometimes it feels like we're providing a service clearing the streets outside Copper Face Jacks, the next night we're being moved along as though we're criminals.(which was the case last night)
Just make up your mind one way or the other, then both the customer and the Taxi driver will know the deal.
It's not fair on the Taxi driver who wants to operate legally if the law enforcers allow others to ply for hire right where the work is, we've all got to make a living so it's either a case of joining in or going under.
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Alternative Transport pt4, The Liffey Ferry

It's nice to see this back again, one used to bring stevedores mainly, as well as the odd local, across and back from work up until the late seventies. Then as they built more bridges and the docks moved eastwards there was no need for it.
Now with the re-development of the docklands area into a major financial centre, it's back, ferrying bankers too and fro for meetings or whatever it is that lot do?
Cost for a single is €2
return; €3
or a ten journey ticket €10


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The night was as I'd Expected

There were lot's of couples, have you ever noticed how alike couples become?;
They seem to wear similar colour clothing and styles and somehow their facial features blend.
A gay relationship ended in the cab;
It was a bit sad, they used very eloquent language, words and phrases such as;
There should be less ambiguity,
I could give you pseudo Freudian explanations but it wouldn't help,
That's a deal breaker,
There's a distinct lack of trust,
I need to know I've got someone to catch me should I fall.
It was definitely over by the end of the trip, I'd have butted in only I didn't understand half of what they were saying.
The Horse drawn carriages did well;
They seemed to be coming and going from the "Green" regularly, with Heart shaped helium balloons attached and happy couples filling the seats, despite the near freezing weather.
A James Dean lookalike went home alone, after believing a friend who told him Valentines was a good night to score chicks?
It wasn't as busy as I'd hoped it would be, but sure what the hell
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So ...You want to drive a Taxi?

Have you got what it takes?
Answer yes to ALL the following questions and you might just make the grade;

1. Are you a grumpy oul fecker?
2. Do you have an opinion on everything?
3. Do you talk endless shite?
   
4. Do you hate Bus drivers/Learner drivers/women drivers/truck drivers/All other drivers?
5. Do the rules of the road apply only to other drivers?

Did you answer yes...... WITHOUT HESITATION?
Then you'll fit right in!
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The LURRRRRVE Taxi

Sit back into the plush 80% polyester seat and cuddle up to the grooooviest smoooochiest songs ever written.

I've lined up the following playlist on the MP3 player for tonights customers:

I think I'd better leave right now : Will Smith
I'm not in love :10cc
What becomes of the broken hearted : Joe Cocker
Must have been love (but it's over now) :Roxette
If I could turn back time :Cher
All by myself : Celine Dion

Any other suggestions?

That should get the love juices flowing?
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What was he at?

Last Friday a fellow Taxi driver who was just ahead of me on the rank got out of his cab and lit up a big cigar, he then pushed the car the entire 200 odd metres of the rank one car length at a time each time from a standing start, which was no mean feat.
I reckon it was a combination of not wanting to stink out his Taxi with cigar fumes and an exercise regime, either way Eddie O' Sullivan should sign him up for the rugger buggers
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Stardust Tragedy ...27th anniversary

I hate to dampen the spirits but please spare a thought (or a prayer if that's your thing) for the families of the victims who still haven't received any justice.
The in memory section of todays papers always remind me.
On the 14th February 1981 at 1:41am, 48 people died and 214 were injured in a fire at a Valentines eve disco in Dublin;
Stardust Disaster (wikipedia)

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Blood Brothers

No I didn't perform an Apache friendship ritual with one of my passengers, instead I went to the theater to see the show.
Yeah, even after my diatribe on the evils of Valentines day, I brought my wife out tonight to celebrate.
The show was brilliant, the first half brought back echoes of my childhood, even though it was based in the Liverpool of the 70's, it felt like Dublin.
The second half was darker and ultimately very sad but is still highly recommended.
The Gaiety theater looks great! after recently being revamped they really have brought it back to it's former glory.

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The St. Stephens Green Taxi Rank ......explained

I'm happy to announce that the problems with the rank on St Stephens Green have been resolved.
I've made a diagram for both Taxi drivers and customers to help explain.

It's colour coded as follows;

White: Primary first car
Red :Secondary first car
Green: Primary queue
Blue: Secondary queue
Yellow :Route for secondary queue joining primary queue
Orange :Primary waiter
Pink :Secondary waiter
Brown :Evacuation routes for waiters when the cops arrive




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It's Valentines Tomorrow!

It's like Noahs Ark, everybody going around two by two, carrying their €12 a stem recently defrosted roses, whispering sweet nothings into the same ear you know they were screaming blue murder into not too long ago.
There'll be tables for two with nice red candles on them and a free glass of champagne, all for the "special offer" price of €150 a head! Butyou better be gone by 9pm because they've booked two other sittings for that table.
It's great business for us Taxi drivers .............but seriously...UUUUUGH!

• Roy's Aphrodisiac tips;

For Women: the more expensive and rare the object the better
A one carat diamond ring = A shag
A bowl of porridge = A big zero

For Men:The opposite applies
A bowl of porridge = a shag
A one carat diamond = He's gone.... figuring how to cash it in!

Have a good one!
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Mid Term Madness

It was busy tonight, mainly kids out because they have no school this week.
Redz and Club 21 had special drinks promotions;

Redz : €10 entrance and €2 a drink (drinks normally average €5.50)
Club 21 : €5 entrance and €3 a drink

I can't help thinking this was a bit careless given the age profile, most I'd argue weren't legal age and those that were only just about made it, neither were capable of dealing with copious quantities of alcohol!

We Taxis had to deal with the ultimate fallout .....thanks!

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A Deception

A tram arrived in at the terminus on St Stephens Green and soon after Taxis started getting work from the rank ..... people who were continuing their journey by Taxi.
These jobs are hit and miss, mainly miss as they tend to involve short trips about town.
My prize from this lucky dip was a job to Drumcondra, worth €12 so not too shabby. She said she normally got the bus for this leg of her journey but was treating herself, when pushed she admitted she always did!
The conversation was hum drum; weather, work, town being quiet.... the usual stuff, but then, well before the road she said was her actual destination, she asked could she get out.
"Do you fancy a walk?" I asked, wondering was it something I'd said. "Not really" she replied, "but I'm going to walk the last bit and work up a bit of a sweat, then tell himself I got the bus, that way I'll get the sympathy Tea and snacks while relaxing on the couch"
I remember an ad on TV for water that had a similar deception, I wonder if that's where she got her little trick?
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Yeah, No

Why do people say that? I'll ask a simple question in the cab such as "did you have a good night" and I get a reply like "Yeah , no, it was great"...... HUH?
I hear people say it all the time on TV ,on the radio, and I constantly overhear it in conversations in the Taxi.
I even hear myself say it from time to time!
Listen out for it!
What does it mean?
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Irish Blog Awards

Irish Taxi has made the shortlist for Best Blog! and Best Newcomer!!
This is just a quick note to say thanks to those who nominated the blog and also a special thanks to the team of "interactors"
Here are the lists, there's a lot of quality in there!
I'm off out now to celebrate!
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Bad Economics

I picked up a girl from the rank in Ranelagh and took her to her workplace in the Citywest business campus. She said she needed to get something there and asked would I mind waiting and bringing her back.
This is a dream job, Citywest is a fair distance away and add to that waiting time plus the return journey right back to where the work is ...great!
"I guess I can", I said " only because you seem very nice"
it turned out she left her Nokia phone charger behind and her battery was low, as she was expecting an important call tomorrow morning from an American client, she really needed it.
The fare including a tip was €45, thing is she could have bought a generic nokia charger in extravision a video shop that opens until midnightright beside the rank where I picked her up.
Well I wasn't going to tell her!
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Cathail O' Searcaigh, Sex Tourism

A big topic of conversation tonight was about a documentary which is to be aired as part of the Jameson Film Festival here in Dublin.
Cathail O' Searcaigh is a poet and story teller primarily in the Irish language and is studied as part of the Irish school curriculum. I'm not familiar with his work but by all accounts it's wonderful stuff.
In the documentary the film makers follow Cathail (who by the way is gay) to Nepal where he has set up a school and ancillary projects using charitable donations.
So far so good eh?
The documenary also shows him buying bicycles and other objects for young boys, 16 to 17 year old boys to be precise, in return for which he expects and receives sexual favours, the legal age of consent in Nepal is 16 so he's not broken any laws (in Nepal).
However there is no mistaking the fact he is using the poverty of the Nepalese people for his own means and these kids are being victimised, we certainly wouldn't allow that behavior here.
I do think he's done wrong , however I don't believe his work should be removed from the curriculum, which is the point for debate (along with whether he should be charged under Irish law which states the legal age of consent is 17 and that all Irish citizens are obliged to keep to that.... regardless of where they are)
What do you think?

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I love My Sat Nav

A beautiful girl jumped out of the Taxi in front of me and to my surprise jumped in beside me!
- "Tullyvale in Lucan" she said in a Scandinavian accent,
- "Not a bother" I replied
- "The other guy didn't know where it was and couldn't find it on his map", she commented
The thing is I hadn't a clue where Tullyvale was either, but my trusty Sat Nav did and after a very pleasant journey with Julia the very pretty and very chatty Norwegian who was on her way to a party..... I was also €30 richer!
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SURPRISE!

The Irish Sunday Independent have commissioned a major survey into the drinking habits of the Irish Nation.
It concluded that the Irish drink too much.
I wonder how much it cost them to discover that?
Any Taxi driver would have told them for free.
Along with;
Eskimos eat a lot of fish.
and Taxis go through a lot of tyres!
DUH!
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The Irish Beat The French in France!

The mighty Irish rugger buggers beat a highly fancied French team with a magnificent 21 points on the scoreboard compared to France's meager 26 points.
WHAT! I hear you say, "that doesn't sound right", surely you have to score more points than the opposition to win a game?
Well you're WRONG!
We Irish specialise in moral victories, by playing well and losing we "feel" like winners.
I really thought those days were behind us. We LOST! sad but true, time we started facing up to it though.
I have to admit you'd miss the rugger buggers when their off supporting the team, hurry home to Cafe En Seine boys and girls it's lonely in there without you.
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Have You Checked the Children?

Driving through Donnybrook at 11:30pm on a Friday evening I sometimes wonder am I committing a crime. Looking through my Taxi window all I can see stretched out before me are 13 to 16 year old scantily clad girls along with some boys, all pouring out of the infamous teenage disco; The WeZ.
As I drove through I was waved down by one of these girls and almost as soon as I had put my foot on the brake pedal I regretted stopping, immediately she started hopping up and down, waving and shrieking at her friends, who were busily checking out the molars of three lads. amazingly they all prised themselves off their victims and ran over to the Taxi, barely even saying goodbye to their erstwhile lovers.
Back in the car, the shrieking and giggling persisted ad nausea with the four of them comparing scorecards, "I scored four of them", listing off the names and" I met with(name)" Shriek "I met him too!"
I Figure they met three to five guys each and scored another four. Sorry I've absolutely no idea what (met) or( score) means but one of them mentioned the name Sean and then wiggled her little finger in that derogatory way girls do, much to the delight, shrieks and giggles of the other three.
They had names (which I won't mention) but all of them reminded me of the names of very old women from when I was a kid.
I brought them to one of their houses where they handed me three mobile phones as collateral and asked me to wait outside, three of them eventually re-appeared, no longer wearing the revealing outfits they wore going in but instead had on tracksuit bottoms and hoodies.
I assume the parents of the first girl is the more liberal and allows this deception to take place, I don't believe the parents of the three that were left in the cab had any idea where they had actually been nor what they had been wearing, a dangerous game if anything untoward happened to any of these kids while supposedly in their care.
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Free Hugs... A Date for your Calendar

23rd of February, At the St Stephens green end of Grafton Street, there'll be a group giving out free hugs, I think I'll go along and help out.

Take a look at the movie to see what it's all about;

Here's the site for a more in depth view

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Thoughts

When I get a crap job......... outwardly I may be smiling ....in my head I'm more like;
Ahhh; fuck; shit; bollocks; wanker; muppet; shit; crap; fuck;
Special request by Dane... (warning NSFW)you need to us the listen now button above to hear it (warning swearing)
I assume highlighting the 2nd sentence will allow it to be seen also?
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Tappers

I don't really know why they're called that, maybe it's because they tap you for money, or possibly it's the way they tap the window to get your attention.
Either way the Ranks are now flooded with them. I no longer give them anything, my reasons include the obvious; like seeing the same individual wasted on drugs or alcohol later on, or the less obvious; they often frighten the shit out of me when they tap the window.
They also don't show a lot of appreciation, as they will try tap you again when you return to the rank even if you gave them money last time round, the least you can ask for in return is to be remembered!
Would you or do you give?

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Questions Questions Questions!

One guy asked me ALL these questions;
What's happened to the public swimming pool in Rathmines? What are they going to replace it with?
What's the new Science Centre place about on Pearse Street? Would it be any good for a kids day out?
Do you see that Climbing wall on Westland Row? It looks cool, is it open to the public? or is it just for Trinity students?
Have you been down by the Point Depot? It's going to be cool isn't it? When is it going to open?
When are they going to finish the new bridge at Macken Street?
How the Fuck should I know!!!
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I Hate Thursdays!

My normal working week is from Wednesday night to Sunday night inclusive, it's not written in stone, sometimes I change it to suit my needs.
Friday and Saturday nights are nailed on busy, a bit messy but the funds justify it.
Sunday is great, less taxis.... guys that mix night and Day work are in bed ready for Monday morning as are the Part Timers, so the lesser number of customers dovetails nicely with the lesser number of taxis...tis all very civilized.
Wednesday is similar to Sunday on the numbers front but the clientèle is younger therefore a little more energetic, it can be a bit of craic though.... if your in the humour!
Thursdays are shit! All the weekend shift of drivers seem to come out, there's hardly a space on the rank or enough work to go round, it can be very frustrating.
The night just gone funnily enough was OK.... but that's the odd one that proves the rule!
I never understood that expression!

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Listen To The Posts

If you find it hard to struggle through my scribbles, why not let Adiogo Adam do it for you, just click the listen now button above each post and he'll do his best for you.
Hopefully he'll also help me with my grammar as I'll listen and try spot any mistakes in future.
Special thanks goes to Grandad (Headrambles) whom I copied this idea from.
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Other Road Users Pt. 2

Due to the overwhelming response to "Other Road Users Pt. 1", I've decided to give it a second chapter!
From time to time I take my wifes car out and become one of them; a normal road user.
I suddenly realise the different reactions to my driving as a Taxi driver compared to as a normal driver.
It's most noticeable at times when you depend on other road users to be courteous, such as when pulling out from a side street or parking spot, better still when trying a U-turn.
I find in both instances people do not want to forsake their few metres of road space, probably more-so when it comes to the Taxi, however the fear that the Taxi will keep coming regardless gives it the edge and allows for easier maneuvering in these situations, whereas i'm much more dependent on other road users generosity when driving my wifes car.
The moral of this story is, it's easier driving a Taxi.
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"Your Parents Don't Love You"

Back when I rented a radio from a Taxi firm they had accounts with 2 boarding schools; Wesley College in Ballinteer, and Alexandra College in Milltown.
Most of the work involved trips to the train stations for their weekend visits back home or bringing them to and from extra curricular activities such as horse riding.
I found that new students in their first few months were very vulnerable, tended to be unhappy and wanted to be at home, in complete contrast those that were in their final years loved the college life, regarded fellow pupils as their "real" family and hated going home, often when they did relent they traveled in groups to the one house.
Neither of the above situations seemed a good outcome in my eyes. Initially when I took these jobs after a bit of banter with the kids I used throw in the line "ah.. all you kids stuck in boarding school, your parent mustn't love you", most of the time this was taken in the light hearted spirit intended, but once to often it seemed to hit home hard....so I stopped.
This is yet another of my stereotypical observations, made based on conversations with groups in the cab. I've got many more of them, in particular about members of various professions, I may share them with you at a later date.
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Get Legal

New regulations require Irish Taxis to carry certain items in the cab;
"Jan" left the comment below (in bold) on another post.
I'm not sure if it's a good deal? See for yourself, you can give her a ring if you think it is.
You never know, maybe she'll (Jan is a she right?) throw me a few bob, I normally work on 5%
As if!

Hello taxi drivers, I have in stock, safety kits including, 1kg powder fire extinguisher, 1 84 piece first aid box, 1 fire blanket and 1 high vis vest all for just €60, please call me on 087 2239870 (that's an Irish mobile number,Roy) if interested in purchasing same.

This is a one off ....if I start getting a load of spam I'll just ban your ass(es)!
If you have something useful to offer E-mail me and if I like it I'll give it a plug.

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Other Road Users

As you know we Taxi Drivers own the road, we put up with the rest of you reluctantly. However you must desist partaking in any of the following immediately.
Obviously Taxi drivers are exempt. (reasons in green italics)

• Using the overtaking lane on a carriageway as if it's your own, that belongs to Taxi Drivers.

• Putting on your fog lights when there ain't any fog, Taxi drivers may use it when the brake lights are broken, flicking the switch expertly whilst engaging the brakes.

• Sounding your horn one nanosecond after the lights change to green, RELAX! However Taxi Drivers may be in a hurry so get your ass in gear!
  

• Overtake me then slow down... What's that about? Taxi Drivers however need to see the road ahead
  

• Picking your nose, sitting in your car does not render you invisible. Clear nasal passages are vital for sniffing out the next victim.... sorry, customer.
  

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Super Tuesday

Great stuff!... it's on TV overnight, I love elections, being Irish I'm a Democrat, but to be honest I don't really know why, I hear they're the more liberal and that sounds good to me and as Bill Clinton did good things here in Ireland, I s'pose I'll G on his missus?? Not very practical reasons for supporting anyone but hey.... you need to back a horse if you're going to enjoy the race. (errr I don't gamble either, well apart from the oul game of poker on Good Friday)
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Taxi Jokes

I'd like to compile a list of Taxi related jokes and then link to it in the sidebar.
If you know/hear or see any, please add it through the link below.
Here's the high standard we're aiming for;

While out cruising, the Taxi Driver misjudged a curve and drove his cab into the wall dividing the houses of a Mr. and Mrs. Smith and a Mr. and Mrs. Ball.
Thankfully, he was pulled out by the Smiths.
TAAAAADUMMMM!!

Added by JEAN(Diamond Cabs) on 6th Feb;

A Taxi driver and a Priest die and knock on heaven's door.
St-Peter shows the Taxi driver his new home, a lavish Castle fully equipped with butlers and servants. When the priests turn comes, he is shown a meager Hut with no electricity or water. The priest complains to St-Peter: "How is it the Taxi driver gets a Castle and I only got this small Hut? I 've been working for Jesus all my life, not him.". St-Peter responded: "Yes you were working for Jesus, but during your Sunday sermons everybody slept. When the Taxi driver rode with clients, they prayed."

This one is with thanks to Dane, a classic;

A guy in a taxi wanted to speak to the driver so he leaned forward and tapped him on the shoulder.

The driver screamed, jumped up in the air and yanked the wheel over. The car mounted the curb, demolished a lamppost and came to a stop inches from a shop window.

The startled passenger said "I didn't mean to frighten you, just wanted to ask you something."

Taxi driver says "Not your fault Sir. It's my first day as a cab driver, I've been driving a hearse for the past 25 years".

Not for the more conservative readers, this one is from Driver;

One dismal rainy night in London, a Taxi driver spotted an arm waving
from the shadows of an alley . Even before he rolled to a stop, a figure leaped into the cab slamming the door.
Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a naked woman sitting in the back seat.
"Where to?" he stammered.
"Kings Cross," answered the woman.
"You got it," he said, taking another long glance in the mirror.
The woman caught him staring at her and asked, "Just what are you
looking at?"
"Well madam," he answered, "I was just wondering how you'll pay your
fare."
The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled
at the driver, and said, "Does this answer your question?"
Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, "Have you got anything
smaller?"

Thanks to Lost Marbles for this one;

A taxi driver calls to a house and is sitting outside waiting.
When no one comes, he decides to knock on the door
The door is opened by a twelve year old boy with a big cuban cigar in one hand and a glass of brandy in the other, He also notices a half naked blond down the hall "excuse me son" said the driver, "is your mum or dad at home ".

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK", Said the Lad

Another from Dane, discretion required and I'm not sure what's being insinuated?

One woman stops a taxi.
- To the airport, please.
After ten minutes the taxi driver, watching the woman in the mirror, says:
- You are third pregnant woman that I have driven to the airport today.
- Are you kidding me, I am not pregnant.
- Well, you haven't arrived to the airport yet either.

I found this, if you find picture jokes .......just add the link;

Another from Driver, our NYC cabbie won't like this one

An Englishwoman and her young son were traveling in a taxi in New York. As they were driving through a rather seedy looking part of town, the boy became fascinated by the garishly made up women in short skirts and high heels who seemed to be accosting some of the men passing by.

"Mummy" the boy asked, "what are those ladies doing?"

The mother, clearly embarrassed by the question, replied: "I expect they're lost and are asking people for directions"

The taxi driver overhead this and interrupted: "why not tell me boy the truth, those women are prostitutes."



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