Irish Taxi Advice

Roy's Tips;

Taxi journeys are safe, the Cabs are easily identified and drivers are vetted by the Gardai, however;

For the Single Girl;

• Sit in the back, it's safer and you can still chat with the driver if you like.
• Make a phone call, phoney if necessary, say out loud that you're in a Taxi, where you are and when you'll be home.
• If you're "last out" tell the one out before you that you'll ring as soon as you get home.

Keys;

• If the keys are under the mat or plantpot, wait for the driver to pull off before you retrieve them.
• When you have your little panic because you can't find your keys, always say you don't want to wake your boyfriend/brother, never confirm there's no-one home to let you in.
• If organising via mobile to have keys left out for you , never say "in the usual place" or "leave it under mat/pot. always say "where would be a good place to leave it?"

Off on Holidays;

• Always chat about how and if the people left behind will manage on their own.
• Never chat about whether the gas/electric is turned off
• If asked "is everything switched off" always reply "no need, the house is being looked after."

All of the above is common sense stuff, but all are common discussions in Taxis and all could lead to unforeseen events.
Just be careful out there!


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The Bum

He looked like a cross between Grandad and Twenty yet still I stopped when he flagged me down. He toddled slowly around the car to the passenger side and sat down beside me.
As he sat a bottle fell out of his filthy anorak , I reacted quickly and grabbed it, thankfully it was sealed, it was a Coke bottle containing a red liquid. "Thanks", he said "Beaumont Hospital please , the powerful whiff of whiskey and cigarettes nearly knocked me out, confirming my suspicions re the contents of the Coke bottle.
I immediately wrote off the fare, this guy was bumming a lift to the hospital, to doss down in the A+E department, (ER if you're Stateside). It'd be interesting though to see his method, he wasn't about to do a runner, nor was he very threatening, I reckoned he'd just say he had no money, knowing there was little I could do about it.
Suddenly he seemed to have a seizure, he was moaning loudly and banging his sides and his stomach with his hands. I pulled in quickly to see if he was OK.
"I've lost me Sandwich" , he cried, "I've lost me sandwich". This continued for the rest of the journey, it seemed the loss of the sandwich was equivalent to his world ending.
When we got to the entrance of the hospital he asked to be taken to A+E, confirming my earlier assumptions. When we arrived he opened the door and I thought " What the hell , no harm in trying," "That'll be €13 please".
"Me Sister works here, she'll be out to you in a second with it".... and off he went.
"Classic", I thought, "Ah well fair play to him, at least I got a blog post out of it"
I had to drive about 50m along the ramp to do a U-Turn and as I passed the A+E I decided to park up and see if I could find him.
Alas he was nowhere to be found. Shame, I wanted to give him a fiver for a sandwich......I must be getting soft.

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The "D" Word

DEREGULATION! (never utter that word in an Irish Taxi for fear of your life!) is happening in France, the disputes start today.
I wonder if the French .........Renowned for their protesting abilities will have any more luck than our guys had?

Jan. 30 (Bloomberg) -- Taxi drivers across France started a one-day strike today to protest against President Nicolas Sarkozy's plan to change a 70-year-old system by increasing the number of cabs on the streets of Paris, Lyon and other cities.

About 80 percent of Paris's 15,900 taxi drivers will stay off the streets today, their union said. The number of taxis in Paris has barely changed since 1937, when they were capped at 14,000.

``Paris is the only city in the world where you just cannot find a taxi,'' Sarkozy said on Jan. 23.

Continued here

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About Statcounter ......and this Blog

Grandad asked "why do you blog".
I replied in the usual fashion, "it helps me to wind down after a night in the Taxi".
But is that true?: There are easier ways to wind down and having to come up with a new post every morning isn't necessarily one of them.
So why do I keep doing it?: It's the feedback, people leaving their thoughts about what I've written whether good or bad, is fascinating.
The majority of readers that show up here every day do so via a google search, they arrive at a particular post that's relevant read it and leave, (fair enough. I do that myself regularly) some continue to browse the blog and read other posts.
An average of 140 people visit each day and 40 or so of these are returning visitors, it's mainly from this group that the blog receives the comments, so the ten or so that comment regularly is a decent average.
I know all of the above because of Statcounter, the magic behind the number in the left hand sidebar, it provides a second source of feedback and I spend an inordinate amount of time looking at the statistics it provides.
Here's a summary for the last few weeks, I'd like to say a big thank you to each and every one of the visitors, you're the reason I keep posting.

(click picture to enlarge)

If you're a Grandad , Twenty, Beaut.ie or a Damien you'll laugh at those stats, but if you were me a few short months ago .....you'd be impressed.
Statcounter was invented by Young Irish entrepreneur of the year, Aodhan Cullen
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The First Daters

These are regular, while I queue at the rank on a weekday evening at about 11:30 pm, I see them walk towards me. they chat for a while, looking awkwardly about them and eventually they kiss, tentatively. She'll get into the first cab and he'll walk away..... or possibly get into the second cab.
"First date?" I enquire, "Wow, how did you know that? she asks, "DOH" I should reply but in reality I explain.
They are always interesting journeys though, some are blind dates, some get set up by mates, while more met in a pub/club the previous weekend and drunkenly exchanged numbers.
Some work out, most don't.
Tonights one didn't, there was no attraction, she just didn't want to "jump on his bones", he was really nice and they had a great chat.....but it would never be.
Just to embarrass the girl should she ever read this, she wore a size 2 and a 1/2 shoe (came up because I was calling her Cinderella and she said about her shoe not fitting anyone else....), and she looked like Barbie.
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How Depressing

I just took a look at the newsreel in the sidebar about Taxis and it's so depressing;

• Canadian drivers fighting

• Director killed in a Taxi

• Armed robbery of a Taxi driver

• Knife pulled for $17.60 fare

And you wonder why we're grumpy bastards?

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To Snatch or not to Snatch?

St Stepens Green

I don't work Mondays (cue for a song) So no "true stories" for you today, instead you can solve a bit of an issue we drivers are having. (Drivers can take part too!)
To Snatch; to take a fare that ethically belongs to another

There's a bit of a problem at my favorite rank on St Stephens Green, if you look at the picture above you will see the Taxis queuing on the left,
The council have added a "second" rank on the right hand side, with the first car where the silver jeep is and Taxis queuing behind.
What happens is when the queue shortens on the left, the first car on the right joins it and so instead of two ranks we have one semi-circular one.
For those that didn't "get" that, I've done a wonderful visual presentation of the problem.
The problem is whether or not the car parked where the jeep is in the picture should take a fare if one comes along, or should he direct him across the road and 50 metres up?
I was joking about the presentation being wonderful!
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Jail For Not Paying Taxi Fare

Not working, so it's just a relevant story from the news.
Martin Ward (18) from Portumna in Galway, got two weeks in jail for making off without paying his Taxi Fare at Mount Sandford in Drogheha (Ireland).
Garda Kilian Donoghue told the court that Ward took the Taxi to Mount Sandford and once there took the keys from the car and fled.
The female driver rang the Gardai immediately and when they arrived they found Ward hidingin a garden.
Ward explained that he'd been visiting his Aunt in Drogheda and had a lot of drink on the night, Judge Anderson took little pity and sentenced Ward to two weeks in jail.
I reckon if he'd left the keys in the car the driver would have left the scene and not bothered her ass.
Let that be a lesson to ya!

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Is the Viper Bullet Proof?

Martin "The Viper" Foley has survived yet another hail of bullets, but remains in a critical condition with four wounds to the body.
He was shot outside Ben Dunnes fitness centre in Kimmage, Martin walked to the Garda car that took him to the hospital, so he can't be too bad?
In September 2000, The Viper was shot several times leaving another fitness centre in Terenure college, the previous April the IRA's attempt to shoot him was intercepted by the Gardai, two other attempts to assassinate him failed in the 90's.
The Viper is one of the so called ODCs (ordinary decent criminals) and was a close associate of Martin "The General" Cahill who they say was the last person killed on the orders of the IRA's Army Council. The ODC's tended to rob banks, security vans and businesses, as opposed to the current crop that deal mainly in drugs.
Martin is currently "legit" running a "Debt collection agency" quite a successful one I believe!

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An Odd Expression?

It's rare I hear "new" slang, even rarer when I don't realise what it means, normally the context leaves me in no doubt, this one caught me off guard;
There were two girls in the car, one seeking a male perspective.... as sometimes happens in the cab.
Seemingly there was a Canadian lad on a placement in their company whose tenure was coming to an end and he was about to head home.
The other girl (the one not talking) fancied this lad and had tried all her flirting tricks to no avail.
I was first made agree that she was indeed a very attractive girl that any red blooded male would fancy and then asked;
"If I was single and in the situation the Canadian lad was in and this girl "threw the gob on me " would I "throw the gob" back?"
HUH?
I assumed it meant kiss and answered accordingly......... but I'm not too sure?
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Pub and Club Classifications

Very tired tonight so I'm just going to jot down an observation;
Whilst driving people around I'm often asked what some club or pub is like, questions such as, what sort of music is played? Is it expensive? and the like are frequently asked.
Now I've never set foot in 95% of these clubs and I get differing opinions about all of them from people who like particular spots and from those that don't.
The solution I've found to this problem that works very well for me, is to look for a girl on the street, that's dressed like the girls I drop to the club in question and say "girls that look like her go there".
Instantly, the passengers can tell the type of music the prices and whether or not they'd like it.
What I suggest is, that each club should have a picture of the typical girl that goes to their venue on the wall outside;
A nice country girl with a cheap hairdo....Coppers/ Flannerys, Tramco etc
A girl in designer gear.....Krystle/ Cafe En Seine,Rom Blacks etc
A Rock chick.....Carnival, Voodoo etc
A yummy Mummy; Reynards , Lillies
A not so yummy mummy ; the Arlington Bo jangles
A Baby; Redz, Barcode
You get the idea?

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Ireland's Worst Pothole (deceased)

Irish Taxi's favorite radio station Newstalk 106 ran a contest to find Ireland's "greatest" pothole, the winner was this seven foot wide two foot deep monster in Cootehill, County Cavan;



Sadly, just two days after airing the great news, Cavan County Council sent workmen to fill it in, destroying something that must have taken years to develop!
Here is the result of this vandalism;


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The Melting Pot

On Friday afternoon I went with my wife to "Winters" in the Dundrum Town Centre for an impromptu meal.
We were met by a lovely Polish girl with a beaming smile who led us to our table, our drinks order was taken by a Chinese lad and the order was delivered promptly, our meal orders; I had a Thai Green Curry and my wife had the Chicken Fahjita, were taken and delivered to the table by two Indian lads.
As my meal was put on the tabe, an Irish lad commented that it looked nice and asked me what it was, "Thai curry" I replied and offered him a taste, he sampled a little chicken and announced "Ah yeah, I'll have a bit of that", ..........that's typical Irish.
Back in the eighties NONE of the above would have happened, people say that with the influx of non-Irish people into the service industry that visitors to the country no longer meet meet the Irish, but they do, they meet them out and about enjoying themselves, which is when the Irish are at their best and believe me, the "overall experience" they have now compared to the "good old days" is far superior.
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Irish Taxi Driver of the Year

From The Examiner;
And The Winner is;
A TAXI driver whose quick thinking saved the life of a passenger was last night crowned Taxi driver of the year.
Declan Heagney, from Clonee, Co Meath, was honoured for going above and beyond the call of duty when he rushed a man whose heart had stopped to a medical centre.
When the doctor examining the man could not find a pulse, the taxi driver and GP lifted the patient out of the car into the clinic, where they resuscitated him.
“There is no doubt that without the quick-thinking on Declan’s part as well as his actions on insisting on a doctor straight away, the individual concerned would not be still alive today,” said Brian O’Neill, managing editor of Taxi Times.
“The victim had survived only from the actions which Declan took and his going the extra mile.”
Mr Heagney picked up the man, his wife and their daughter in the Finglas area on April 27 last year and was dropping them off locally when the man suddenly gasped for breath.
The taxi driver decided his front seat passenger was in urgent need of medical help, swung his car around, and headed for the nearest GP clinic.
He ran inside shouting for a doctor, going from door to door insisting someone attend to the scene urgently.
Mr Heagney was among a host of drivers nominated as deserving this unique award by both taxi drivers and members of the public.
The runner-up prize went to Bernard Clarke who found €10,000 and two American passports in the back of his cab and tracked down the owners in the US to organise their safe return.
The ceremony was staged by Taxi Times, the official magazine of the National Taxi Drivers’ Union, at Dublin’s Crowne Plaza hotel.
“It is clear from sifting through the nominations that there are many unsung heroes out there who are held in very high esteem by the majority of the general public,” added Mr O’Neill.
So its not all doom and gloom there are still a lot of honest decent taxi drivers out there.
Well done Declan!
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Just Another Jibbering Idiot

We get these from time to time, people that have drunk themselves into such a stupor they cannot manage a full word, never mind stringing a couple together.
Somehow though, they seem to believe you should be able to decipher the uds and egs into the grand debate they believe they are engaging in and look at you with a glazed expression expecting a reply to these gargles.
I somehow managed to discover that he was going to the Luas stop at Sandyford and when we arrived there after 15 minutes that felt like an hour, he ordered a halt.
I showed him the €20 note in his wallet as he fumbled with it and eventually he realised this is what he should use to pay me, I gave him his change then reached over and opened his door. He got out and instantly fell over onto the grass verge.
The next bit is why I added Idiot to the title of the post;
He waddled through the newly planted shrubbery into the car park, eventually found his 7 series BMW... got in and drove off.............

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The Crying Game

This girl was bawling, she barely muttered the destination through the sobs, I just told her to relax and turned up the music.
Eventually she calmed a bit and appologised for being a wus.
I explained that it was OK and asked if she wanted to talk about it, most times I regret this action as it turns out to be something I have no understanding of whatever and I'm just left muttering and nodding.
However this was different, it turned out she had just handed in her notice at her job and her "manager" had gone at her hard, laying on the guilt trip with a shovel, telling her she was disloyal, that she'd been leading them on for the past weeks, all that "training" they'd put in was gone to waste.
"One word" I said, "BULLSHIT, you owe them NADA, don't tell me they've never placed an ad with "experience required" and used someone else's training, it's a big bad world out there and you've got to look after yourself, and who knows maybe in a few years you can go back there and they can benefit from your time away, that's business!"
She seemed encouraged by my words, but to be honest I really enjoyed spouting off my opinion to help an upset female whether or not it was any use, rather than my usual thought of "Why the fuck did I ask!!!"
The picture is of Paris Hilton, no I didn't hop out of the cab take a quick snap and jump back in!

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John Waters V the Bloggers

So billed in tabloid terms by Newstalk 106, John Waters got his called for debate with a blogger, "that could......string more than three words together", He came in the form of Barrister Fergal Crehan of Tuppenceworth.ie
It's excellent stuff, you can hear the debate here.
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The Shy American

A contradiction in terms, I hear you say!
Most Americans we meet here in Ireland are quite loud, extremely verbose and opinionated, which is fair enough as we Irish love a good row.... so we tend to search them out.
But I had an American girl in the car on Sunday (it doesn't matter how you say that it just sounds wrong!) She'd been at a friends house (an American boy)
He'd said they'd watch one of the American Football games and then head out, but they ended up watching two and going no-where, which had left her disappointed, but she had said nothing!
I then inquired into how long she'd been in Dublin and what she was up to, it turned out she's been here three years, (from New York) studying English and History in Trinity College, she wants to be a politician some day.
Obviously, I asked was she a Democrat or Republican and although reticent she must have known she was on safe ground saying Democrat as there are very few Irish Republicans.
But then I asked, "Clinton or Obama?" and straight away I could sense the unease....she was looking for a clue in my face, then said "O'Clinton , I'm sorry.... I'm a fan of Hillary, but my pals give me a real hard time over it."
Now I realise there's nothing "newsworthy" about this story, but I just found it really strange, normally I'm in a battle over Wars in Iraq, Why Americans call their local games "The World Series" mostly I end up I being called a mealy mouthed Liberal and a great time is had by all.
This extremely attractive and intelligent girl bucked the stereotype right out of the window!
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Just a few Pictures

I'm having a lazy night.
Here's a few of my crappy pictures;

First up the Chas Mahal, also known as the office of the Taoiseach (Prime Minister).
It's called the Chas Mahal because Charles Haughey (Chas) was Taoiseach when a vast sum was spent doing it up...money well spent I.M.O.

The Chas Mahal

Next up is the Irish Navy, well half of it, yeah we've only got the two boats! It's in port at the moment.

The Irish Navy

Now for number three, it's Quay 16, Dublin's newest Restaurant and bar, it's floating in the Liffey at the North Wall, sorry but it just doesn't do it for me!

Quay 16

Last and least ME, Would you mess with this bastard?

ME

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Lost Little Lambs

Copper Face Jacks was closed for the staff Christmas party!
Believe it or not this was actually good for business.
Instead of walking down the lane from Flanerys on Camden Street to Coppers, us Taxi drivers were ferrying them the 500m down the road to Pal Joeys..... at a nice €10 (inc tips) a trip!
Sure the poor darlings didn't know where it was.
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L'eau D'Irish Taxi

I know you guys complain about the smell in some Irish Taxis; body odours , stale puke/piss, whatever foodstuff the last evacuee breathed all over the cab etc etc.
Well not this one! I've dispensed with my good buddy "the magic tree" and bought a bottle of;
Molton Brown, Thai Vert Air Vaporiisator d'ambience
Which "enriches the mood with spicy green notes of lime, Indonesian patchouili, caraway elerni and Moroccan eucalyptus.
Don't ya know!
I must admit it does smell nice and it's not too overpowering, (it should do at €24 a bleedin' bottle!)
so I'll have none of your moaning ......OK!
This post is in answer to a query by Paradise Driver..... who uses Fabreze in case you're wondrin'
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Deepest Darkest Ongar

Ongar is "new" Dublin, it's out beyond Blanchardstown.
It consists of a maze of roundabouts, with sprawling estates to the left and to the right as you drive along.
As happens from time to time, I had a customer tonight utter the terrible line; "Ongar please"
I checked my fuel, bottle of coke, and supply of chocolate before moving of in trepidation.
We arrived in Ongar and I took my instructions.... straight through this roundabout second exit off the next and on and on it went until I was well and truly lost.
Next it was into an estate called "Applewood" and off we went again; second left, fourth right , around the green, second left, then right, until eventually...... I was doubly lost.
"It's a bit of a maze" he said.
"Huh" I replied....... " if you see me in the morning, just give me a bowl of cornflakes and then let me follow you into town!"
He laughed.........well he might!
But behold! technology! no more do I perform a hundred 3 point turns ...... no more guessing the way out from the way the cars are parked....Oh no .....not me!
I press the map on the sat nav........ click "Go Home" and I'm guided...... faultlessly.... back to civilization.
VIVA Technology!
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The Dragons Lair

Who lives in a house like this? (click picture to enlarge)

The picture above is of a gate to a house in an unimposing estate in Goatstown, called Harlech Downs.
In reality it's quite impressive and features a 3-dimensional dragon sculptured out of stainless steel, it used to be musical notes but the owner changed it. The railings around the house are made up of tuning forks and more musical notations.
A Welsh musician methinks???
Its a bit of a tourist attraction around these parts, with cars arriving each weekend to take a look, some get out and take pictures of the kids posing with it.
It must be a pain in the arse for the neighbors!
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Drenched!

I Picked up a girl in a wheelchair earlier, I pulled in alongside her and she was in the backseat in a flash, so out I get to take the wheels off the chair and pop it in the boot and what happens?
An absolute downpour..... it lashed! I struggled with the chair with the girl shouting instructions out through the door, her in her rain gear inside the car, me in a light shirt and trousers getting bleeding drenched!
Eventually when I made it back into my seat...... looking like a drowned rat , she sat there looking all smug!
I could have throttled her!
I dried off eventually (after an hour or two) as I drove around the city.
If I die of pneumonia in my bed tonight............ you remember this post!
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COP on Girls

Happens nearly every time, the girls get into the cab after a night in Copper Face Jacks, and complain;
Girl 1; "I'm never going in there again, what a bunch of sleazebags"
Girl 2; "yeah,.... I must've been felt up 50 times tonight"
Girl 3; "Me too... I'm starting to wonder are me arse and tits me own"

Seriously! I get this all the time, but after talking to the girls I soon discover that they return time and again to "Coppers" and will continue to do so.
I wonder sometimes do they secretly enjoy it , despite all the complaining?

Copper Face Jack, the History behind the name;
John Scott was Lord Chancellor in the 1780s and was known as ‘Copper Face Jack’ because of his rustic complexion. He lived on Harcourt street near the club that bears his name. They say he was a member of the infamous hellfire club, a group of rich noblemen that got up to no good with women, alcohol, gambling and a dash of satanism.

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Alternative Transport pt3, Horse Power

Sorry about the picture, but if you look closely you will see a horse drawn Hackney Carriage, locked in by two Taxis near the gates of St Stephens Green.
Most of the carriages are operated by scangers and the standards aren't that great, but this guy is the business, he has the top hat, the lanterns, the two horses perfectly turned out, Dracula would be proud.
Dracula by the way was written by a Dubliner, Brahm Stoker whose house and museum are open to the public.
To be honest neither the Taxis nor the Carriage should be there , the cabs are waiting to do a U-turn so as to be on the end of the new Merry go round rank the council have devised and the Carriage should be about 100m further back.
Shortly after the picture was taken, the Carriage guy got a fare and with the first cab in the picture just moving forward a few feet maneuvered the lot through the gap, quite an achievement I thought.
The prices vary but I believe during the day you can get a one hour tour for about €40 and at night they'll take you on short journeys for negotiated fares.
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John Waters: The Irish Blog Hate Figure

I've just been on a visiting splurge to some my favorite Irish blogs and discovered a common theme;
They all hate Fanny Waters! (pictured left)
To learn why listen to the audio in this Twenty Major Post.
The offending line (if you couldn't be bothered listening) is;
When I meet a person, I'll ask them, "Do you blog" and if they answer, "yes", I ask them to remove themselves from my presence immediately. (there's more)
Johns a bit of a twat but sometimes he can be mildly entertaining......
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Lord of the Flies

I had a really entertaining trip first thing tonight, with a gent and his daughter who had been attending the "festival of lights" in preparation for her confirmation..
After my initial interrogation into where they had been and where they were going I discovered that he was from a neighboring estate to the one I grew up in, one with whom my estate was constantly at "war".
When I told him where I was from he instantly recognised the significance and called me the "enemy".
We had a good laugh recalling some of the running battles we'd had as kids and how as soon as we were old enough to go to the pub we all became friends, with lots of the girls marrying lads from opposing estates.
Brought it all back ....good times indeed!
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Rolys and Guilbauds are in a Huff

Two of Dublin's "top" restaurants Rolys Bistro and Patrick Guilbaud's are extremely miffed at being left out of the latest Bridgestone guide.
Co Author John Mc Kenna, when asked why he left these two giants of the catering world out, said;
"There are too many braised lamb shanks and confit bellies of pork out there, and there's a real danger of them becoming the prawn cocktails and black forest gateau's of the naughties"
Good man John that'll keep them on their toes!

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Barcode set to Close!

One of the few Suburban night Clubs left in Dublin, and a beacon in the neglected Northside of the city looks likely to fail in it's efforts to renew it's licence, much to the chagrin of Taxi drivers and patrons alike.
The residents are out in force objecting to the club, which attracts a younger crowd and will most likely succeed.
Sadly Barcode is a victim of its own success being one of the few venues to cater for the 18 to 21 bracket and will go the same way as its southside counterpart Bondi Beach.
I for one will miss the business if it closes.
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A Rare opportunity to BUY!

This is one of those once in a blue moon events!
A House on the exclusive Aylesbury Road is about to come up for sale.
The French Embassy are vacating their 11 bedroom 11,000 sq ft mansion (in need of refurbishment estimated cost of which is €5million) for pastures new.
Set in 1.75 acres on landscaped gardens, it's a snip at only €60million!


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The Best and the Worst Taxi Jobs

I was thinking about what the ten worst jobs and the ten best in the Taxi business were, this is what I came up with;

The Ten Worst;

10: Entertain Me; tell me a joke, what's the funniest fare you've had? what's the strangest fare you've had? You ain't paying me enough mate!

9 :.....The Comic, Ain't I great fun , isn't this the best job you've had all night? have you heard this one ? You're not that good!

8....The Singers ,please don't!

7....The Dope, I don't know where I'm going but it starts with a P, another mystery tour!

5....The long trip, it's mad busy and it takes you right out of it , with no hope of a return fare

6....The short trip, you queue an hour for a 750m job from the Green to Coppers, because she hasn't "worn in" the new shoes.

4....The Interrogator, are you busy, what time do you finish . ever had anyone famous...... blah blah blah

3....The Navigator, take this left, go right there, stop at the red light, can't you see I've already got a navigator with that feature turned off, it's not that clever to know your way home , even pigeons can do it!

2....The Sleeper, not someone nodding off after a busy day, more the person who falls unconcious from drink, one that when eventually woken doesn't know where they are or where they've been and is incapable of directing you the last 500m to their home

1....The Soiler, The person that pukes, pisses or spreads any foul substance on the upholstery

The ten best;

10 Entertain me; Someone that actually thinks I'm funny!

9 The Comic; I love a good joke

8 The Singers, Sing if your good at it

7 The Dope , You don't know where your going? quids in mate

6 The short trip, Best you can get when it's busy

5 The long trip, Quiet night , yes please

4 The Interrogator; I like a person that's genuinely interested in the game

3 The navigator, Thank god this guy is showing the way because I haven't a clue

2 The Sleeper, I can continue listening to "Off the ball "without interruption

1 The Soiler, If it's not too bad and you pay your €125 fine .....quids in!

It all depends on the circumstances I guess.........................

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Julian Opie , Walking O'Connell Street

Some of you may have thought; He promised to video the exhibition and didn't , this guy can't be trusted.
But no..... You were wrong, I did take the video, but as the displays are tall rather than wide, I turned the camera 90 degrees in an effort to fit more in. I was concerned about posting, then thought, "ah what the hell!"
This idea works fine with still pictures, but less so with videos!
So everyone turn your head 90 degrees to the left NOW!

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Labels

No posts tonight, I spent the last few hours cleaning up the Labels, every post now has at least one label and there are fewer of them , hopefully they'll make the site easier to navigate (for me)
See the sidebar to the left for the new Label links.

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Get Paid as you Preach!

Taxi drivers are being paid to market products as they drive.
WOMA or Word of mouth advertising is set to be the new wave in marketing.
Driver Adrian Torlini, 41, from Aylesbury, was signed up as an ambassador for Taxi Promotions UK. He was given a five-day trip to Bangkok paid for by the tourism authority of Thailand.
He said; "They just know that if you send someone somewhere and they like it they will talk about it, and if they are a cab driver they will talk to lots of people about it."
Asher Moses, managing director of Taxi Promotions UK, believes all kinds of products could eventually be promoted by his drivers, from airlines to online poker websites.
From the Daily Mail

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I'm Dublin's No 1 tourist Attraction!

Yes me! An ordinary Dub, driving a Taxi around the city am one of the biggest draws for visitors!
Thing is though if you are an ordinary Dub reading this then you too are the main reason why people come here.
When asked about their experiences of the city visitors claim it's the friendliness of the people they enjoy most, so continue to talk to folk in shops and pubs and if you see someone looking at a map stop and ask if you can help.
Other things people approved of were;
The city is easy to get around.
The cultural activities.
Its musical traditions.
And surprisingly.............. it's value for money????
Dublin is ranked alongside Barcelona and Vienna in eight place in the "best cities to visit" so we must be doing something right.
Let's hear it for the Dubs!
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AHH... Sure God Help Them

There is a Taxi rank on Grafton Street, the first cab is just by the Molly Malone Statue.
There is a loading bay at the corner of Grafton Street and Nassau Street.
Passengers intending to get a Taxi at the Rank must pass the loading bay.
Taxi drivers that park in the loading bay and take fares are suffering from a severe hunger and must be pitied.

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Mugged By The Mad Cow

I was caught out by the new road layout at the Red Cow roundabout in Clondalkin. As a good "know it all" Taxi Driver I paid no attention to the roadsigns and continued along as I'd always done.
I ended up with just two options;
M50 South or M50 North (
I was heading into the city centre!
If there had been a third option "drive off a cliff" I'd have considered it.
I decided on the M50 south and took the extra miles and time as penance for past sins.
And they let idiots like me drive taxis !

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Art Installation on O' Connell Street

She'll start walking when the page loads!

They've put up another Art exhibition on O'Connell Street;
There are five stone blocks each with three meter high led representations of people walking on the top of them (see girl above), spaced about one hundred metres apart.
I like them, but then again I'm also the only person I know that likes the Spire!
They'll be there until November
They are by an artist called Julian Opie and are to celebrate the centenary of the Municipal Gallery of Modern Art.
I'll try take a video during tomorrow nights shift, so do make sure to check back.
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Irish Blogger Awards

It's that time of year again, so why not look at the Irish Blogs I have listed below, or any others you might frequent and nominate them in one or more of the categories.
Go on......show them your love!

• Dublin Taxi
• Beaut.ie
• Damien Mulley
• Hairyfish
• Headrambles
• K8theGr8
  
• Some Day Now
• The Chancer
• The Humble Housewife
• Twenty Major

The various categories and nomination form can be viewed by clicking here

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Busy Again

Tonight was good for the wallet, they came back ! All those kids I've been hoping would return, they filled the bars and clubs to capacity and once the witching hour passed, the streets were thronged with them....all looking for Taxis.
It was so much more civilised around here when they were back home with their mammies!
There's no pleasing some people eh?
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Vermillion

I was a punter last night, I went to Vermillion, the Indian Restaurant that got 6th place int the Dubliner's top 100 restaurants so expectations were high;
The dining room is modern with nice leather bound chairs and it doesn't feel as though they've squeezed in as many as possible, so full marks on that front.
We were met by smiles all round, our coats were taken and we were led to our table for four.
I had the chicken Tikka starter which melted in my mouth, the girls had the vegetable selection for two which was devoured and unusually no tastes were offered! my mate had chicken with pineapple and cashew nuts ....... I had a piece and it was lovely.
For mains us lads both had Biryani, the portion was HUGE and we ate it all.... to be honest one would have been enough to share and the scales will need to be put away for a week, My wife had a Prawn dish which got oooohs and aaaaahs and J had number 6 on the menu ????? which again was a winner.
Two chocolate fudge and two creme brulees to finish were standard fare and all of the above was washed down with Cobra beer, so no fancy wine to report on I'm afraid!
Total cost including tips ....€200 reasonable price for this town.
We ended up in the Terenure Inn for a few scoops and all agreed we'd be back for more.
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Thought for the night

• Why did it take the Spanish Police 8 days to start a search for missing Irish teen Amy Fitzpatrick? Hopefully she'll be found safe and well.
  
• Remember my idea to take pictures of people that fall asleep in the cab and post them here, but I didn't think it was legal? This girl is getting away with it!
  

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Where are the Girls?

This is another of those typical jobs we get from time to time and probably one of my least favorite, often a couple of lads off a boat docked in the port, or business people in for a conference after a feed of drink.
They'll ask where are the girls/whorehouse/brothel whatever, it all means the same....they want to pay for sex.
Paying for sex is completely illegal in Ireland, so the brothels that do exist do not advertise and as soon as they do become known... they tend to move on.
I rarely if ever know where a brothel might be and those girls that do work the streets only tend to work the busy nights at busy times and most I've met are extremely sick and all are junkies.
So just as with the job that encouraged this post tonight we always end up driving around aimlessly, with me trying to explain that they really are in the wrong town and that really all that they have is ...................each other!
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Tata Nano, the €1400 Car

Well here it is, the €1400 car, would you buy one?

Here's the official unveiling;

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Ronan Keating ( Boyzone) Taxi Driver

This is yet another Dublin Taxi TV skit, this time it's a "heavily" disguised Ronan Keating taking his Dad for a ride around Dublin.

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The Taxi Driver that didn't know where he was.

The Irish Taxi regulator Kathleen Doyle was on Newstalk 106 last evening giving a general interview to George Hook, some of it was interesting;
George mentioned that he had taken a Taxi from a rank, wanting to go to Stilorgan. He said the driver had NO English! and didn't know or understand where Stilorgan was, George had to direct him using hand signals.
The Regulators reply was that from later this year, they will take over the licensing of Taxi drivers from the police and that an adequate knowledge of English would be a requirement, she added that the test would be more severe and would include "new Dublin"
My thoughts on this are;
Is an adequate knowledge of English not a requirement now? Surely if you are driving a cab in an English speaking country, you should be able to speak the language?
Stilorgan is not "new Dublin", one of the main arteries out of Dublin is the Stilorgan Road, it leads to Stilorgan, the first shopping centre ever built in Ireland was built in Stilorgan.
Stilorgan is "old Dublin" and any Taxi driver that doesn't know where Stilorgan is should never have passed a test to drive a Taxi in Dublin.
Hopefully the new test being devised will be a proper evaluation of a persons capacity to drive a Taxi and current drivers including yours truly will be required to sit it.

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St Patricks Day March 17th 2008

Get your ass over here, the craic will be mighty. view the events here
I was looking it up because some idiot in the car last night told me it was being moved to the 19th....... because it was too close to holy week this year and we couldn't be having all the drunkenness and debauchery.
The fecker had me convinced, I had a google at it and don't believe him any more!
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I was visited by an Enforcement Officer!

I finally got to meet an enforcement officer from the Taxi Regulators Office!
They were patrolling the "ranks " outside Copper Face Jacks and Flannerys, and wouldn't you know it, my tamper proof license plate on the rear window had been tampered with! (remember my window was broken a few days back?)
The two lads thought they were on to a master criminal and seemed disappointed that all was legit. Fair play though I was impressed with their thoroughness and hope they have better luck next time.
By they way............. Were we all not due a €250 fine, as we were plying for hire at an unofficial stand?
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Less Work from March?

The Nanny state has decided to review the licensing laws and reduce dramatically the number of late night bar openings in an effort to reduce the number of people on the streets with the associated disorder late at night.
My own feeling is that by putting any Time on when bars should close, you are going to get large numbers on the street at that time.
wheras if there was No set time the crowds would disperse in a more orderly fashion, the bars themselves would police the drunkeness and disorder, dumping offenders onto the streets throughout the night rather than milking them until closing tme.

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I'm having a January Sale

In an effort to get with the system I'm going to be a good little capitalist and stick a 50% off all fares sign on my roof!
I'll pull up at the back of the ranks and using a loud hailer advertise my low low prices, taking customers ahead of all the other Taxis queuing for fares.
All perfectly legal I believe?
But then again............... I've kinda gotten used to being alive.
It's a joke lads.................CHILL OUT!
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Men only Taxi Company

I bet you read that and thought "that's sexist" well why then is it OK for a Female only Taxi company to be set up?
The service, Angel Cabs, will employ only female drivers, "in a bid to make people feel safe as they travel by cab throughout the city" ??????????
The way they plan to operate is for the "Angels" to pay €40 to have their name and mobile number advertised on a site "www.angelcabs.ie" (they say it'll be online from March) and passengers will then ring them directly.
Somehow, I don't think this will work.
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Ronan Lawlor............... Body found

Regular readers may remember a post regarding missing Irish backpacker Ronan Lawlor who went missing on the Argentina/Chile border in November, sadly his body was found yesterday in the Torres Del Paine National Park in Chile. It has emerged that he was attempting to climb a steep incline when he slipped and fell into a crevasse. I guess it brings a finality to this terrible time for his friends and family and they can finally grieve.
Rest in Peace Ronan, I guess you experienced more in your short life than I ever will.
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Daytrip ends in Expense and Humiliation

My last job of the night was a long trip to Ardee with a fare of €125.
I picked him up outside the Garda station in Pearse street, turned out he'd spent the past three hours in a cell!
He'd come down for the Christy Moore concert in Vicar Street, he and eight pals had paid €37 to a mini cab driver for the return journey.
During the gig he needed to pee but rather than queue he left the premises (he got his hand stamped so he could get back in) walked a few yards down the road and pissed against the wall, unsurprisingly the bouncers refused him permission to return after witnessing this, he kicked up a bit, howling abuse at the bouncers and causing a scene, at which point the police were called. He continued to pile abuse at the bouncers and even tried to barge his way back into the club, this was the step too far and he was handcuffed, put in the back of a riot van and brought to Pearse Street station.
By the time I got him he was suitably chastised and sorry for his actions.
I couldn't help feel sorry for the poor idiot!
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The Pajama People

I finally snared one of the Pajama people;
These are girls who walk around in their pajamas, you can see them out walking dogs, shopping,and going to and from friends houses. Notices have been put up in shops and restaurants saying no admittance wearing Pajamas and recently Temple Street hospital issued a press announcement asking visitors not to wear pajamas as one young visitor was refused exit, with staff thinking she was an escapee!
She was standing on Dame Street in her cotton PJs and slippers, when she flung out her hand for a Taxi I jammed on the brakes, I wasn't going to miss this .
"Howya luv (destination)" she said "it's bleedin' freezin' out dere, me tits are about to fall off with the cold"
She was a very attractive north inner city girl, the type it would be very difficult to embarrass.
"Nice Jammies" I said
"Do you have a fuckin' problem with that" she replied.
"No!", I said, " each to their own I guess, I always wondered why you do it though, they're hardly very flattering and you are a very good looking girl."
"I'm not tryin' to flatter anyone mister, you should see me when I am" she said ..smiling, "they're comfy , it's not like I'm naked ! everthing is well covered up. what's the harm in it?"
ERRR, nowt I s'pose, just seems unusual that's all, how many pairs of pajamas do you have? I asked.
"about twenty" she replied, "I change them three times a day" she replied.
What! I said .....surprised, "Why don't you just change into (normal) outdoor clothes and be done with all the hassle?"
"because I don't like wearing underwear" was her reply????????????????????
I decided not to pry any more and the rest of the trip was spent talking about the Taxi industry, turns out her Dad is a fellow driver.

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First 08 Car

I spotted my first 2008 registered car last night (unusually late) It was a Toyota SUV.
Since 1987 there has been a bit of a date snobbery with cars, since thenthe registration plate on each car read the date first, ie, 08, then letter(s) for the county, ie. D for Dublin, then a number in order of registration.
So now if you ask someone about their car they'll tell you the date first then the model ie, I've got a zero one Primera.
A bit of an aside but the car I spotted was being driven by a black guy, which I thought was cool and indicative of the new Ireland
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Coughs and Sneezes spread Diseases

I've got a cold, it's a typical head cold; coughing and sneezing, a bit of a headache and generally lethargic, it's annoying but not bad enough to keep me off work.
However, should I be more considerate and think of my passengers? It's obviously contagious and there's a high probability I'll infect some unsuspecting customers?
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Happy birthday Aphra O' Gorman

There was a lovely girl in the cab last night celebrating her 26th birthday with this unusual name, it's seemingly Greek in origin so I'm guessing on the spelling. I hope someday she or a friend google her name and arrive on this page, well you never know eh?
Talking about names, parents pick names hoping it will somehow give their child a help in life, they try picking happy names like Molly, or academic names like Nigel and so on, however names can quickly take on new definitions, for example I doubt there'll me too many Madeline's this year and I've never yet met an Adolf, I wonder how many Fred West's there are who felt it was a perfectly normal, average name.......... until a few years back?
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QUIET!

Come back yee Culchies all is forgiven!
Dublin is very quiet this week, what with folk being partied out... money being spared for the sales and most noticeable of all......the country cousins are still back home with their mammies.
Come back! all is forgiven.
I've very little to report, most of the jobs have been run of the mill stuff and to be perfectly honest I've not been in a very talkative mood lately, probably too much time off and I'm now missing the cosy life on the couch watching the football?
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Disneys Vision for Transport in 2008

This clip was made in 1958 and details how scientists assumed things would have changed in 50 years time (now), it's very quaint in it's outlook, some predictions are spot on, whereas others are way wide of the mark;

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Philo saved the Night

It was looking like it was going to be a disaster tonight, hardly a sinner out, Harcourt street seemed deserted, I was thinking about calling it a night very early on. I decided I'd swing through Temple bar to see if there was any action there and discovered the " Vibe for Philo" was on in Eamon Dorans and it was hopping!.
This event has been running since the death of the legendary Thin Lizzy frontman Philip Lynnott from a drug overdose 22 years ago, with cover bands rocking out the Lizzy tunes to happy punters..
Phil was a much loved character in Dublin who despite being one of the most famous rockers of the time paraded up and down Grafton Street regularly, he was easily spotted as he was over 7 foot tall with an extra few inches due to to the Afro hairdo, was also one of the very few Black men in the city and wore a smile as broad as the street and returned any" howya" with a broad Dublin accent.
He's sadly missed and is still making us Taxi drivers a few bob , thanks Philo!
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Irelands top Earner

Just watched "Ireland's 50 top Earners of 2007 " on the TV........I know, it was a repeat.
The 50th person on the list was building supply warehouse operator, Michael Chadwick, who earned €52 million last year ..... or a million a week!
The top earner, friend of the Taxi industry with his cheap Taxi insurance was Sean Quinn who last year earned an astonishing €1.5 billion!!

Sean takes on seemingly insurmountable companies and beats them at there own game, such as Cement manufacture , the glass bottle industry, along with the motor and car insurance industries. I wonder who's next?
He saved me over a €1000 on my yearly Taxi insurance bill so he's all right in my book.

Here's the interview with Sean, I think you may be surprised by him.

Surprisingly none of the entertainers/ sports-stars made the list at all....... no sign of Bono or the other u2..ers No Westlifers, No Damien Duff....... Eddie Irvine et al

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"Burlo" Closes

Five star hotel, The Burlington on Leeson Street, had it's last guest check out yesterday, regarded as one of Dublins finest it will be missed, in particular by Taxi drivers as the rank outside was one of the busiest. It's Christmas party nights each year were always a good earner.
Seemingly the older hotels cannot compete with the newer versions as they are not economically viable, requiring more staff to run, and also have higher utility bills.
The staff had a bit of a send off party last night and all seemed genuinely sad at its demise.
The property has been purchased by developer Mc Namara and rumours abound that they may well open it as a hotel in the short term .....while they await planning permissions.

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A bit of a Pane

Didn't go to work on new Years Day, I felt a bit delicate after the party, which was a great success.... even if I do say so myself.
I've just been out to give the cab it's once over and clean for tonight and discovered my rear window is smashed! (do you get the pun in the title?) most likely lads playing ball in the field beside us, or possibly a vindictive act, as some neighbors have been calling the guards for a small group of teenagers that have been gathering recently at the entrance to the field, they seem harmless enough but will assume it was me that called as I'm closest to the action.
My insurance was renewed only yesterday (1st January) and I'd only added windscreen cover....how jammy is that???
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